Jonathan Herron

How To Survive When Your Whole World Caves In

Yesterday I opened up with a pretty raw and honest post on what really happened last summer.

This happens to be the week leading up to Easter.  Which is appropriate, because something always has to die before new life can appear.  With encouragement, I'm sharing today about what happened to our family in the days and weeks following the news we received (a death of sorts) and how to survive when your whole world caves in (resurrection). 

For Amber and I, survival actually began in July during my recuperation from back surgery.

It intensified in late August when we received the news.  At least we now understood why these leaders were completely hands-off in checking in on or caring for us during my recovery time.

Do you know who the loneliest person in the world is?  The pastor with no church family.  There are two parallels in Scripture: Ezekiel, a Hebrew priest, who has no temple and Jesus, Messiah, who is betrayed by friends and deserted enroute to the Cross.

When a pastor is cut out of his church abruptly without closure, you lose more than a job.  Relationships ceased (not by our choice).  Amber would often say to me that it felt like everyone we knew had all suddenly died in a car accident - no goodbyes, nobody left.

We approached our new reality from three directions:

Spiritually:  God is good and Genesis 50:20 is true.  We never once cursed God, but instead turned to prayer, building a prayer team online, and posting Scriptures everywhere.  The sad day that we cleaned out my office, Amber received this passage from her Pastors' Wives Online Group, which I wrote out and still have taped up to my bathroom mirror.  It's the Amplified Version of Hebrews 13:5-6:

For God Himself has said,
I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support.

I will not,
I will not,
I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! 

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm.  I will not fear or dread or be terrified.
What can man do to me?

Physically: Normalcy for our son was important, so we moved ahead with school plans.  We pushed through the personal pain and awkwardness of running into people with questions (and we were gagged from providing any answers) to ensure Josiah had as normal a childhood as possible.  However, his birthday was only weeks away.  Suddenly, none of his former church friends would come.  Our family descended to create the best experience possible.  But my heart absolutely broke in the midst of the celebration when he looked around the half-empty Children's Museum party room and tearfully asked, "Where are all my friends?"

Financially: Amber blogged about this here.

 

 

Phriday is for Photos | 03.30.12

Of all the photographers we've worked with over the years, one is my favorite.

Beth Eggert.  Photo-genius.  Fellow Mitten Dweller.

Because she takes her time.  And loves our family.

Yesterday she spent three hours with our newborn:

You need to book an appointment with Beth Eggert.  Seriously.

More here.

 

 

Current Reads:

How To Knock Over A 7-Eleven: And Other Ministry Training by Michael Cheshire

Leading with a Limp by Dan B. Allender

Contending for Our All by John Piper

 

iPhone Rotation:

Brian Wurzell: Grace Ocean

Billy Joel: Live at Shea Stadium

The Best of The Monkees - (#20 on Billboard)

 

Netflix Queue:

Friday Night Lights, season three

 

Projects:

New church

Possible e-book based on Improv*ing Leadership series.  Would you bite?

 

What else is out there to Like?  Let me know.

And do me a favor - go Like our new Facebook page. 

Whoever gets the most people to like Life Church Michigan on Facebook will receive our brand new, limited edition Life tee (repost on F*book and we'll keep track).

Improv*ing Leadership: Handling Hecklers

When you sign up for church leadership, you sign up for critics. 

The only other profession that deals with Chatty Cathies on a regular basis are comedians. 

Understanding how an improviser handles hecklers is helpful to keeping your sanity as a leader.

Now, comedians have two choices: Ignore or Confront.

Ignore Tips for Chronic Critics:

• Set-up an email filtering system.  When an email arrives from a chronic critic, it automatically ends up in a folder you don't read.
• You don't have to respond.  Make the delete button your friend. 
• If something comes in the mail, you don't have to read it.  Simply write, "Return to Sender."  Out of sight, out of mind.  And sets up a strong boundary to the chronic critic.

Have an automatic default system for dealing with criticism.

Nehemiah 6 and 13

Jesus did both... 

 

Confronting the Heckler is high risk/high reward.

Second City lore tells of how a young Bill Murray once broke a heckler's arm after dragging him out into the side alley.

Believe it or not, Nehemiah was not a passive leader; he got confrontational when he had to:

And I confronted them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair.

Dang!  My boy Nehemiah was beating the ever-livin' CRUD out of people!  His confrontations ended with black eyes and bald spots!  Now that's the biblical confrontation I never learned about in seminary!!

Now listen, I am not advocating physical confrontation.  Instead, verbal ninjutsu is in order.  Ninjustu is the tactic of unconventional warfare.  Seizing the heckler's words and turning them around on them publicly is a tool in the comedian's and leader's belt. 

A recent high-profile example involves one of my former teachers, Tina Fey:

Again, confronting hecklers is high risk/high reward.

Phriday is for Photos

Family SnowBlast - 02.26.12. 

Little did we know that at that exact moment, a princess was being born...

 

Our Little Angel - 03.19.12

 

One more:

This isn't another blog post about Tim Tebow's faith.

This is a snapshot of how a true leader carries himself when your world caves in.

Sometimes leaders receive tough news:  You are being replaced. 

I know.  I've been there.

How a leader reacts when their heart is being yanked out says a lot about their integrity and honor.

John Elway shared with reporters his phone conversation with Tim Tebow about Peyton Manning:

"He said, `Well, we're talking about Peyton Manning. I understand exactly what you're doing.' 
He was very, very positive."

Taking the high road is not easy. 

But in that moment, Tebow revealed true character as a leader.

No lashing out.  No cursing.  No angry blog posts.  Just honor and integrity.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" - Proverbs 19:11

Taking the high road is not the easy path, but it is the path where God receives the most honor.

 

 

Now when I say comedian, what's one of the first images that pops in your noggin'? 

That's right - being a "star."  Famous.  Applauded.  Spotlight.

The thing is, there is no single spotlight when you're acting on-stage without a script.  Everybody's in the hot seat together.  And whether or not you support one another makes the escalator go up or down.

 

There's a famous story about the early days of The Second City.  Joan Rivers was on-stage and asked for an audience suggestion for a scene.  When "Marriage" was shouted back, Joan's fellow actor initiated the scene by saying, "Sweetheart, I love you so much." The reality created was that they were a married couple.  Rivers replied, "Who are you?!  I don't know you!" 

Rivers' cheap laugh set up her partner - and the scene - for failure.  She destroyed more than future possibilities in the scene; Rivers ripped apart trust between the partners.

 

During my time at Second City, I remember this salty-language scene improvised by Rachel Dratch (SNL) and Tina Fey (30 Rock).  Birthed without a script, Tina & Rachel brilliantly supported one another to create comedy genius.

You see, when you're out there on the edge, your instinct is to save yourself first.

But the rules of comedy teach you to save others first.

When you support your partner first, you build community and trust.

Community and trust create an environment for creativity and taking chances together.

Creativity & taking chances together leads to revolutionary change.

Revolutionary change is the goal of every great leader.

Stuff from my week in Phoenix:

• Reconnected with my buddy Brent Fenton.  I met Brent back in January when I spoke for the Arizona Southern Baptist Convention.  Brent led worship, we did a late night improv-comedy set together, and I'm trying to convince him and his lovely bride to bring their mad worship leading skillz to Michigan (really).  Brent took me to a baseball exhibition game of the Oakland A's versus the Marlins.  Good times:
  
• I grabbed time with Chan Kilgore mid-week.  I deeply appreciate Chan's wisdom and care.

• This quote from T.E. Lawrence (aka Lawrence of Arabia) rocked my world:

"All men dream, but not equally. 

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake to the day to find it was all vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for the many act out their dreams with open eyes,
to make it possible."

• Somehow I ended up at a huge dinner table eating spicy hot Mexican food with Darrin Patrick.  It was fun re-connecting with him - - a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was in the Acts 29 church planting tribe.  Darrin's a good guy and always manages to bust my chops.  In a good way.

At the time, The Little Mermaid was THE standard in motion picture animation.

That's when a little known production start-up known as Pixar pitched Tom Hanks.

"You don't want me to sing, do you?"

Pixar assured him that Toy Story would be different.

They quietly wrote out their own secret rules of story-telling:

• No songs
• No "I want" moment
• No happy village
• No love story
• No villain

As Toy Story went into production, Disney bosses freaked out.

Disney contacted a well-known, established songwriter for his take.

Without knowing about Pixar's secret rules, he said Toy Story needed:

• Songs
• An "I want" moment
• A happy village
• A love story
• A villain

Pixar broke all the rules. 

And in the process, the built a better story.

PINK CIGARS FOR EVERYBODY!!!

After 14 months of waiting, we received the phone call from Adoption Associates last Wednesday:

A preemie.

Born Sunday, February 26th.

Completely healthy.

We met her birthfamily on Friday.  Beautiful, loving Christians.  Making a beautiful adoption plan.

And then we met her.

Today it became official.

We named her Ainsleigh Grace.

And as soon as the judge signs the paperwork in coming days, Ainsleigh will be coming home!

You may be asking yourself, "Self, how can I help out with the Herrons' little newborn baby girl?" 

We definitely request your prayers. 

And if you're so inclined, here's our Baby Registry.