Herron Hacienda | Faith, Family, & Frugal Finds in Michigan

~ Generosity & Compassion ~

We strive to teach our children a number of character traits and values.  There is nothing more rewarding then the moments we see that they get it, and in so doing, teach us as well!  Two of these values are generosity and compassion.  We want our children to see those hurting and in need and be moved with compassion like Jesus modeled to us in His time on earth.  We try hard to model and teach our children what it means to manage your money and belongings well so that you are freed up to be generous. 

I was deeply touched to see both of these values lived out in the last week with my 23 month old daughter (yes - even toddlers can grasp these concepts!).

Both of our children had received special helium baloons from their Grandma for Valentine's Day.  At one point, Josiah came running out of his room in hysterics.  He held a crumpled balloon in one hand.  He tearfully explained that his balloon had gotten stuck in his ceiling fan and broke.  Throughout his explanation, Ainsleigh stood next to him watching and listening.  After Josiah finished telling his story, his little sister looked up at him and immediately handed her prized balloon to him.  She then joyfully ran around the room cheering with excitement to be able to show compassion and generosity to her brother.  It was very sweet and moving for me as a parent to witness.  Ainsleigh did not hestiate.  She did not stop herself out of selfishness.  She did not regret her decision to be generous.  She celebrated!

My 23 month old daughter ended up teaching me about compassion and generosity this week! 

~ Upside Down Prayers for Parents - Book Review ~

I was so excited to have an opportunity to review Upside Down Prayers for Parents: Thirty-One Daring Devotions for Entrusting Your Child--and Yourself -- to God by Lisa Tawn Bergren.  I had seen snippets of info about it on several websites I follow and was very interested in reading more!

 

Upside Down Prayers for Parents is a unique devotional book unlike any other I've seen.  Each chapter focuses in on one specific prayer for your children.  Bergren shares a short devotional from her personal life and parenting experiences, provides a theme scripture, and a written prayer.  One of the hidden gems in this devotional is the discussion questions Bergren includes with each chapter.  She provides a question to discuss with a younger child as well as an older child.  This makes this devotional easy to apply whether you have young kids, older kids, or both! 

My favorite part of this devotional book is that Bergren forces you to go outside of the traditional prayer mindset we can develop for our children.  If you are looking for a book that focuses on superficial hopes and prayers for your kids such as - "keep them happy" and "never let them experience hurt" - then this is not the book for you.  The emphasis on "daring" prayers in the book's subtitle is appropriate.  I think another possible title could've been 31 Dangerous Prayers for Parents.  Lisa Bergren takes a typical prayer we as parents often find ourselves praying and turns it upside down.  I have to admit - I had to think twice and check my heart before actually praying some of these over my kids!  Some examples of the prayers in this devotional are:

I pray you'll encounter battles - and find God is your greatest ally

I pray you'll know what it is to be lonely - and find intimacy with the One who is always beside you

I pray you'll be shattered - and allow God to build you up again

I pray you'll be farsighted - able to see where our God is leading us

See what I mean?  Just rereading all these amazing prayers makes me want to reread the devotional all over again! 

I highly recommend picking up a copy of Upside Down Prayers for Parents by Lisa Bergren.  It will grow and challenge you personally as well as edify you as a parent.  If you are searching for some deep meaningful ways to take your children before the Father, this is the perfect tool to help you!

 

**I received this book free as a part of the Blogging for Books program by Waterbrook Multnomah Publishers.  The opinions stated above are 100% my own!

God knows exactly when to withhold or to grant us any visible sign of encouragement.  How wonderful it is when we will trust Him in either case!  Yet it is better when all visible evidence that He is remembering us is withheld.  He wants us to realize that His Word- His promise of remembering us - is more real and dependable than any evidence our senses may reveal.  It is good when He sends the visible evidence, but we appreciate it even more after we have trusted Him without it.  And those who are the most inclined to trust God without any evidence except His Word always receive the greatest amount of visible evidence of his love. - Charles Gallaudet Trumbull

Delayed answers to prayers are not refusals.  Many prayers are received and recorded, yet underneath are the words, "My time has not yet come."  God has a fixed time and an ordained purpose, and He who controls the limits of our lives also determines the time of our deliverance.

So the churches were strengthened and made firm in the faith, and they increased in number day after day. - Acts 16:5

Lord, just as You strengthened and built up the early Church in Acts through the work of Paul and Timothy, I pray that You would strengthen Life Church Michigan.  Make her firm in the faith.  Build the faith of all who are a part of Life Church.  Jesus, I truly believe that as You strengthen Life Church and make all of us firm in the faith, You will increase our number day after day.  Use Life Church to change lives and give an increase to the Kingdom of Heaven.  Thank You, Jesus, for Your promise to strengthen and increase the Church.  Amen.

~ Praying Scriptures for Your Church ~

 

One of the most powerful ways to pray is by using Scripture.  I was sitting this morning, thinking and praying about the future of our church plant - Life Church Michigan.  I was praying over our goal of being able to offer quality worship services and kids' ministry on a weekly basis.  I quickly began to think of all the little details and needs that have to be taken care of in order for this to happen.  Almost as soon as these swirling thoughts popped into my mind, I felt Jesus whisper to my heart,  

"I will build my church and the gates of hell will not overcome it." 

Wow!  How freeing for me to remember the very words of Jesus from Matthew 16:18!  It's not up to us to build this church - that is Jesus's job.  When we allow Him the freedom to work, the result is something so strong that nothing Satan throws at it can overcome it! 

I found myself beginning to pray this Scripture back to God for our church. 

This got me thinking,

"Why don't I do a word study in the Bible on the church and then pray some of those Scriptures over Life Church?" 

I am so excited about this divine revelation that I just had to share it!  I want to challenge others who are partnering with Life Church to join me in praying God's word over our church. 

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades (the powers of the infernal region) shall not overpower it [or be strong to its detriment or hold out against it]. - Matthew 16:18, The Amplified Bible

Lord Jesus, it is easy to get overwhelmed when I think of all the things that are needed to build our church plant.  Forgive me, God for arrogantly assuming that the responsibility to build the church belongs to me.  Thank You for reminding me through Your Word that Jesus builds the church.  God, I pray that You would build Your Church through Life Church Michigan.  You know the needs.  You know the lost people who wait to be found.  God, it all rests in Your hands.  Thank You, Jesus, that when You build the church, Satan cannot overpower it!  God place Your protection over Life Church Michigan.  Fortify her and bind the enemy!  In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen!

~ Wounds from the Church: Redemption ~

Previously in this series:

• Introduction to this blog series
• Reality Check
• Forgiveness
• The Enemy

 

It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes. 
(Psalm 119:71 ESV)

This post has been a long time coming.  It has literally taken me months to process and get this down.  This particular part of my “Wounds from the Church” series has been the most difficult to write.  It's a bit raw and gut-level honest, so please bear with me. 

I think the biggest challenge in writing this is that our story is not yet complete.  We do not yet have a happy ending tied neatly with a bow.  Growing in faith when the pain runs so deep is a great challenge some days.

I believe that there are times when God allows (and dare I say even ordains) us to experience painful seasons and situations.  This may be the only way to serve His ultimate purposes in us, teach us, and mold us.  I have never really enjoyed these seasons in my life, but I can say unequivocally that these are the seasons that God has been most precious to me and times that I have grown the most in my spiritual journey.  

This is also true of my church hurt from over these past twelve months.  I was really encouraged by this quote from Stephen Mansfield in the midst of lost and broken relationships.  It helped me see the bigger picture and to not always take the rejection so personally:

“The hardship of your painful church experience is redemptive in the hand of God and it may even be ordained…  If this hardship was ordained of God and if it is a tool he is using to carve Christ’s image in your life, then you can’t stay angry at the people who might have wronged you… 

Now you can see them as playing their role – yes, perhaps hurtfully to you – but playing out a role nevertheless that wasn’t as personally intended as their actions may have seemed.  Your focus can now rise from them to the purposes of God.  (Joseph – Gen 50:20).  You can get on with the ultimate reason for what you have endured (God’s calling).”

Over the last year, Jon and I have developed a saying based out of our experience – "This is a Genesis 50:20 moment."  This comes from the account of Joseph, who felt the anointing of God at a young age.  God spoke to him in dreams that he would serve God’s purposes and in so doing, rule over his brothers.  Joseph must’ve been so excited that God had given him this amazing vision! 

Joseph shares this with his older brothers who, instead of joining the excitement, are jealous and  fearful.  His brothers sell him into slavery (only after debating over whether to KILL him!).  Joseph spends a great deal of time in prison in Egypt.  He could’ve sat there and ruminated on the sins of his brothers.  He had to have questioned repeatedly if he had indeed heard the voice of God!  Joseph does eventually see those early visions realized.  God delivers him.  His brothers return asking for Joseph’s help.  How does he respond after all he has endured? 

 ²⁰ As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people  should be kept alive, as they are today.

We looked at our circumstances.  God had clearly called us to reach this region of Michigan.  We had closed on a new house only a couple months beforehand.  Our son was registered to start his first school experience in a matter of days.  We had worked and saved to invest thousands of dollars in the adoption process. 

A pastor friend of ours put it this way: “God has painted you into a corner.”  There was no doubt that, despite our confusion, God was calling us to stay put.  This confirmation has only continued as 15 individual assessors have recognized God calling us to stay and reach the Great Lakes Bay Region of Michigan through birthing Life Church Michigan. 

A small pocket filled with fear meant evil against us, but God meant it for good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive! 

The last year has been excruciatingly painful.  We have endured lies, deceit, gossip and more...  We watch people we were committed to doing life with move on without us.  I have to believe, however, that God is using this to mold and prepare us.

We are being equipped to more effectively minister to and love the people we serve: 

• We can now reach that couple going through a divorce because we have personal experience with what those dynamics feel like having been divorced from our previous church. 
• We can sit and weep with the one who is facing loss or death because we have felt that depth of sorrow with an abrupt loss all of our close day-to-day relationships with no goodbye. 
• We can pray in faith for that family who is facing unemployment after working so hard to build up a career.  And on and on it goes…

I believe down to my core that God will bring the vision of Life Church Michigan to pass.  He could not have accomplished what He is working in us now or in our future church in any better way. 

Life Church Michigan would never have been birthed if it weren’t for our painful experience.  God has plans for our family to impact this region forever! 

This is how I can come to a point of thanking God for removing us from our previous church – hurt and all.  This is a Genesis 50:20 moment for the Herron Family!

~ Wounds from the Church: The Enemy ~

I work as a counselor.  Sometimes in my line of work, I have a client who struggles with self-injury.  The issue of self-injury is an indicator to me that something deeper is going on with the client.  Something is not right.  It is not normative for a person to want to inflict harm on themselves.  The objective person outside the situation thinks, “Why would you want to hurt yourself?  What do you stand to gain?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this issue of self-injury parallels with the church.  All too often, people within the church see one another as the enemy.  Another Christian hurts them and they retaliate.  Hurting people hurt people.  Conflicts are not typically resolved in an honest, mature, and biblical manner, but rather through gossip, malicious intent, and segregation.  People within the church become more consumed with being right or “winning” rather than genuine reconciliation.

Here’s the thing: the church is the body of Christ.  So, if I am intentionally inflicting harm on another believer, aren’t I just really inflicting self-harm?  Aren’t I just like that client who struggles with self-injury?  Why would I want to hurt myself? 

Lucretia Noble once made a brilliant statement regarding fighting in marriage, “Nobody wins a fight when fighting with your spouse.  You both lose.”  I think this same idea applies to the church.  Nobody wins when we fight amongst ourselves. 

Here’s another way to approach the whole idea: the church is repeatedly referred to in Scripture as the bride of Christ.  We can’t claim to truly and deeply love Jesus, while at the same time reject His bride.  It’s the same principle that keeps you from being best friends with someone who dislikes your spouse.  You love your spouse.  You are not going to want to be around others who only see the negative in them.   

The church and other Christians are not your enemy!

So, who is?  Let’s go back to Ephesians 6 again:

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” 

Flesh and blood is not our enemy.  Our enemy is Satan.  He wants us to believe that we are each other’s enemies.  We are just playing into his hands and harming ourselves and the mission of God when we act on this belief. 

Scripture is clear that the enemy wants to devour us (2 Tim 2:24-26, Eph 4:26-27).  We must stand united and firm against this enemy.  We must be devoted to praying for ourselves and others to not allow the enemy to get a foothold and use us for his evil intents.  We are on the same team!

I don’t know about you, but as a believer in Jesus, I am so thankful for His grace and mercy!  I love Romans 8 which reminds me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  The moments I screw up I don’t have to get down on myself.  I am not condemned.  Those sins are on Jesus.  I simply turn to Him, ask forgiveness, and for the Holy Spirit to further grow and sanctify me. 

This whole idea actually comes from the Old Testament.  In Leviticus 16:20-22 we see this:

“And when he has made an end of atoning for the Holy Place and the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall present the live goat.  And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness.” 

This is where we get the term scapegoat.  God tells Moses and Aaron to confess the sins over the goat and send it off away from the people.  New Testament believers realize that Jesus has become the final scapegoat.  Our sins are placed on His shoulders at the cross and therefore sent away from us.  We are no longer condemned – thank You, Jesus!

Ready to have your mind blown?  If it is true that I am no longer condemned because my sins are on Christ Jesus, then isn’t it also true that my brothers and sisters in Christ are also no longer condemned?  The Christian who has deeply wounded me has his or her sins on Jesus’ shoulders the same as I do.  The same grace and mercy I am so thankful to experience is extended to the Christian who sins against me. 

It is not my job to condemn. 

God does not condemn… that is part of what Jesus has done for us. 

You know who does condemn?  Satan!  He’s the only one who continually brings up your past failures and mistakes.  That does not come from God.  A Christian who is moping about his or her past is not walking in the freedom of the cross. 

How do we unite to fight against this enemy when we’ve been hurt by our fellow Christian?  We pray for the Holy Spirit to convict us of ways that we each may be allowing Satan to gain a foothold in our lives.  We pray for God to protect us from the arrows Satan is throwing at us.  We remember the importance of the armor of God (Eph 6). 

What this has looked like for me lately is to pray specifically that God would bring sins committed against myself and my family to the mind of those who sinned against us and that He would develop a strong desire for repentance within that individual.  I further pray that this will plant the seed for reconciliation to occur in some of these relationships.  I do not pray this so my fellow Christian feels the weight of condemnation, but rather the freedom and rewards of sanctification. 

I also pray that God would convict me if I am letting Satan gain ground in my own heart and seek forgiveness.  I may specifically mention the sins committed against me and then thank God that those sins are on Jesus allowing my fellow Christian to be free just as I am free!  The biggest winner when reconciliation occurs between Christians is Jesus!  Jesus is going to win in the end anyway, but I want to be a part of gaining ground while the war is raging on. 

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”  (John 8:36)

~ Wounds from the Church: Forgiveness ~

One of the number one issues for someone who has scars from a hurtful church experience is that of forgiveness.  How do you forgive when it hurts so stinking bad?  How do you avoid developing a root of bitterness in your heart?  This is one of the hardest aspects of moving forward after a wound from the church.  I believe the centrality of moving forward in forgiveness is the Gospel. 

I must always keep before me what God has done for me.  Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross in order to rescue me from my sin.  Jesus was separated from God in order that I may be reunited with Him.  Paul David Tripp puts it this way in How People Change, “The trinity was torn asunder so that we can experience reconciliation and forgiveness.”  My motivation to forgive others comes from the forgiveness I have received. 

I am reminded of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35.  Scripture makes it very clear that blessings do not flow from a heart of unforgiveness.  In fact, the Bible says that we cannot love Jesus and hate others at the same time (John 4:20).  Scripture also says that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the ruler of this dark world (Eph 6).  Jonathan once rephrased it this way in a message, “If it has flesh and blood, it’s not your enemy!”  How freeing is that!?!

I know this all sounds great in theory.  Putting it into practice when you are hurting deeply, however, is a different matter.  It’s not easy!  Thankfully, the Bible also tells me what I should do when I am struggling with those who have inflicted hurt.  Matthew 5:43-48 tells the Christian that we are to love our “enemies” and pray for those who hurt us.  Luke 6:28 reinforces this same principle and says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (NIV)  It is hard to stay angry and bitter when you are praying for someone and asking God to bless them. 

In the counseling world, we talk about triggers.  They are situations or thoughts that signal to someone that something deeper is going on.  I have learned to take those moments when my true enemy (Satan) brings up the past and my mind starts going to that negative place and use it as a trigger.  It is an indicator that I need to stop, pray for that person (or people), and ask God to bless them.  Through this process, I am the one who ultimately is most blessed!

This process does not start automatically.  You must make an active choice.  Forgiveness is not a one-time event.  Every time those thoughts or feelings pop up, you have to use self-control and choose once again, to forgive.  Eventually, your heart moves.  Scripture says that “As a man thinks, so is he.”  The more I can train my thoughts to pray for and bless those who have hurt me, the more likely I am to genuinely love my “enemy.”  This provides more fertile ground for Godly reconciliation to occur. 

I think one last issue with forgiveness is how it is lumped in with many misconceptions.  I cannot say it better, so here’s a list of what forgiveness is not from the Driscoll’s book Real Marriage.

• Forgiveness is not denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not naivety.
• Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of transgression.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
• Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

So what are you holding on to?  Let it go!  This quote from Mansfield was a HUGE help for me in reframing my mind on forgiveness.

“Even if everyone involved in your hurtful situation instantly agreed with your perspective on the facts, it would not heal the damage that has been done to your insides.”

Nothing can change the past and the hurt you experienced.  You can change your future, however, by choosing to walk forward in forgiveness.

Forgiveness is loving despite sin.  We do not forgive others because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.  Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived out of love for God and others.  – Driscoll

~ Wounds from the Church: Reality Check ~

One thought that has helped me as I have pondered wounds from the church the last few months is that of expectations.  I am not minimizing that people have sinned against me (or at times I have been guilty of the same).  The Bible clearly states that all have sinned and fall short of God’s perfect standard (Rom. 3:23).  I would propose, however, that wounds are deepened based on our expectations. 

I have sisters.  My relationships with all of them are as different as all our personalities.  Two sisters could respond the exact same way to me in a given situation and with one I may feel hurt while with the other there are no hard feelings.  Why is that?  It’s because I expect different things from each one based on our relationship, personalities, and season of life. 

I have found that pain pierces more deeply when it takes me by surprise.  In my most recent church hurt, I was not at all surprised by the actions of a few people.  Yes, it hurt, but they acted the way I expected them to based on past experience, the level of relationship, and spiritual maturity.  There were several others, however, that did not respond as I expected.  I felt a greater degree of hurt from those individuals because I was not expecting it.  

So where am I going with all of this?  Knowing that all people are sinners, I should not be surprised when people sin against me.  It is a fact of life.  It is not right or fair for me to expect my “friends” or others to serve as functional saviors.  The only ONE who will never let me down is Jesus.  Trying to force a person into that role will only leave me disappointed and with an idol problem. 

We have to learn to live in community with this tension… trusting others while at the same time knowing realistically that a time will come that sin will create messiness between us. 

Stephen Mansfield says, “What this means practically is that the very people we hug on Sunday morning or welcome into our homes for cell groups are beings who both bear the image of God and evidence of the scars of evil, who both strive to live the truths of God and yet sometimes descend into the character of pagans.”

Keeping this realistic expectation will help prevent deeper hurt.  I won’t be so surprised next time when a brother or sister in Christ sins against me.  This prepares my heart in advance to bestow grace and forgiveness. 

One last thought on expectations is the western evangelical idea that being a Christian means you won’t suffer or face difficulties in this life.  We have turned comfort and happiness into our goal rather than holiness.  The Bible promises the exact opposite (remember Jesus saying, “In this world you will have trouble”). 

Stephen Mansfield says it well when he states, “Great men and women of God are not exempt from hurt and offense.  Instead, enduring the wounds of fellow Christians with mercy and grace seems to be the call of every true saint, and we should not expect it to be any different in our own lives.”  Read the biography of a great saint and you will see repeated hardships! 

Mansfield goes on to say, “Christianity is not the absence of stupidity and hurt.  Christianity is the message of a God who uses our stupidity and hurt to make us what we are destined to be.”

My challenge for you is to honestly seek God and ask Him to reveal to you your expectations.  Ask Him to show you what expectations you are holding people to that are unrealistic and unfair.  Ask Him to show you how to use your hurt and “stupidity” to grow you closer to Him and to advance the Gospel. 

~New Blog Series: Wounds from the Church ~

You don’t have to attend church for very long before you realize you are surrounded by sinners (including you!).  The potential for being hurt and wounded surrounds you.   This fact is only compounded when you are in ministry!  Your life becomes a fishbowl with everyone watching and making some sort of judgment.  You literally can’t win: 

• Don’t be too standoffish yet don’t be overly friendly and come off as lacking genuine care. 
• Your kids can’t ever misbehave or you are horrible parents while at the same time if your children are too well behaved then people assume you are too perfect or out of touch to relate with. 
• You attend a ministry such as MOPS and you automatically are associated with any beliefs, agendas, or gossip that takes place but if you don’t attend MOPS then you must obviously be against it. 

People often approach you as a role you play or a position and forget you are a person with feelings too.  I can’t tell you how many people have come up to me complaining about my husband.  Um, hello!  He’s my husband and it hurts my feelings for you to gossip about him to me.

You’ve heard the saying, “The only things in life that are certain are death and taxes.”  I would add to that, “Being hurt and sinned against.”  I had one dear friend who confided in me that she was terrified that we would hurt one another and ruin our relationship.  My response to her was, of course we are going to hurt one another… we are both sinners.  It doesn’t have to ruin our relationship, though.  Our continued relationship is based on how we choose to respond in the hurt. 

This is the same with the church.  I have seen many people walk away from the church altogether (and some from ministry) because of a deep wound that was inflicted from someone in the church.  If I am totally honest with myself, I have to sometimes question, “How in the world have I not given up on the church with the pains I have endured… many being the most painful wounds of my life?”   That is where this blog series is coming from.  It is the result of me answering that question to myself over and over the last few months after having endured a deep wound from the church. 

I could easily fill up a blog series of all the nasty and hurtful church experiences we have been through.  The very last thing I want, however, is for someone to stumble upon my blog and feel they have more ammunition to walk away from the body of Christ.  Instead, I am writing this series in hopes that a person about to walk away from church stumbles upon it and is encouraged to take a second look.  I hope you will find it thought provoking, challenging, edifying, and encouraging. 

Recommended reading -  

ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to the People of God by Stephen Mansfield

How People Change by Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp