Herron Hacienda | Faith, Family, & Frugal Finds in Michigan

~ Generosity & Compassion ~

We strive to teach our children a number of character traits and values.  There is nothing more rewarding then the moments we see that they get it, and in so doing, teach us as well!  Two of these values are generosity and compassion.  We want our children to see those hurting and in need and be moved with compassion like Jesus modeled to us in His time on earth.  We try hard to model and teach our children what it means to manage your money and belongings well so that you are freed up to be generous. 

I was deeply touched to see both of these values lived out in the last week with my 23 month old daughter (yes - even toddlers can grasp these concepts!).

Both of our children had received special helium baloons from their Grandma for Valentine's Day.  At one point, Josiah came running out of his room in hysterics.  He held a crumpled balloon in one hand.  He tearfully explained that his balloon had gotten stuck in his ceiling fan and broke.  Throughout his explanation, Ainsleigh stood next to him watching and listening.  After Josiah finished telling his story, his little sister looked up at him and immediately handed her prized balloon to him.  She then joyfully ran around the room cheering with excitement to be able to show compassion and generosity to her brother.  It was very sweet and moving for me as a parent to witness.  Ainsleigh did not hestiate.  She did not stop herself out of selfishness.  She did not regret her decision to be generous.  She celebrated!

My 23 month old daughter ended up teaching me about compassion and generosity this week! 

God knows exactly when to withhold or to grant us any visible sign of encouragement.  How wonderful it is when we will trust Him in either case!  Yet it is better when all visible evidence that He is remembering us is withheld.  He wants us to realize that His Word- His promise of remembering us - is more real and dependable than any evidence our senses may reveal.  It is good when He sends the visible evidence, but we appreciate it even more after we have trusted Him without it.  And those who are the most inclined to trust God without any evidence except His Word always receive the greatest amount of visible evidence of his love. - Charles Gallaudet Trumbull

Delayed answers to prayers are not refusals.  Many prayers are received and recorded, yet underneath are the words, "My time has not yet come."  God has a fixed time and an ordained purpose, and He who controls the limits of our lives also determines the time of our deliverance.

Happy Birthday, Amber!!!

Hi everyone!  This is Jon - - I've secretly logged into Amber's blog account to surprise her with this birthday post!  

** Amber LOVES words of appreciation --- LEAVE A BIRTHDAY COMMENT BELOW!

 

As we all know, my wife is an amazing gal.  In honor of her big birthday today, here are some of Amber's attributes that make her super-awesome-cool:

-- Amber is legit in her walk with Christ.  The girl sets her alarm for an ungodly hour to spend time in the Word and in the Spurgeon.  every.  single.  day.  You can tell because her life is marked by wisdom, patience, and the aroma of grace.

-- Amber is sold-out to her family.  She is ah-maz-ing with the kids.  Absolutely devoted.

  

-- Amber is Coupon Queen.  I don't care what you say, she is the best researcher, planner, and strategist with coupons and grocery deals.  Seriously, she stretches our grocery budget more than Joan Rivers stretches her face.  It's pretty much ridiculous what kind of deals she gets (like last night's 99 cent rotissierie chicken dinner?  What?!).

-- Amber is fiercely loyal to her friends.  If you are lucky enough to call Amber "friend," you already know what I'm talking about here.  She is the person you want by your side and on your text messaging list.  You will never see her throwing a friend under the bus.  She is the first to listen and always offers to help a friend in need (or going through a tough time).

-- Amber loves her enemies.  Ok, you probably weren't expecting to just read that because it's not like she has enemies; it's just that when you're a pastor's wife, a few knuckleheads in church-world will misunderstand your husband and sometimes take aim at the pastor's wife.  There's no other vocation (except maybe politics) where the spouse carries so heavy a burden quietly.

This ugly side of ministry has been part of her journey.  And I believe that the way she handles and navigates this is part of what makes her amazing.  Amber is a grace-addict.  She consistently offers forgiveness and extends grace.  For example, over the past year she has sadly been the recipient of nasty letters that take shots at her and her children because of my vocation.  Her response inspires me: first she prays over it for a few days.  I mean, she really really prays over it.  Then she will send an authentically uplifting card to the person, speaking love and grace into their lives.  And then she continues to labor in prayer daily for the person.  I've witnessed this again and again over the past year.  Amber's default response to adversity is always, "What does the gospel compel me to do?"  Amazing.

 

Amber, I love you.  
I am blown away that I get the privilege of going through life with you by my side.  
Josiah and Ainsleigh adore you and Slinky, well, he has a weak bladder and I'm really sorry about the carpet.  Happy birthday, sweetie!

 

OK, YOUR TURN!  Leave Amber a birthday comment below -- thanks!!

 

~ Wounds from the Church: The Enemy ~

I work as a counselor.  Sometimes in my line of work, I have a client who struggles with self-injury.  The issue of self-injury is an indicator to me that something deeper is going on with the client.  Something is not right.  It is not normative for a person to want to inflict harm on themselves.  The objective person outside the situation thinks, “Why would you want to hurt yourself?  What do you stand to gain?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this issue of self-injury parallels with the church.  All too often, people within the church see one another as the enemy.  Another Christian hurts them and they retaliate.  Hurting people hurt people.  Conflicts are not typically resolved in an honest, mature, and biblical manner, but rather through gossip, malicious intent, and segregation.  People within the church become more consumed with being right or “winning” rather than genuine reconciliation.

Here’s the thing: the church is the body of Christ.  So, if I am intentionally inflicting harm on another believer, aren’t I just really inflicting self-harm?  Aren’t I just like that client who struggles with self-injury?  Why would I want to hurt myself? 

Lucretia Noble once made a brilliant statement regarding fighting in marriage, “Nobody wins a fight when fighting with your spouse.  You both lose.”  I think this same idea applies to the church.  Nobody wins when we fight amongst ourselves. 

Here’s another way to approach the whole idea: the church is repeatedly referred to in Scripture as the bride of Christ.  We can’t claim to truly and deeply love Jesus, while at the same time reject His bride.  It’s the same principle that keeps you from being best friends with someone who dislikes your spouse.  You love your spouse.  You are not going to want to be around others who only see the negative in them.   

The church and other Christians are not your enemy!

So, who is?  Let’s go back to Ephesians 6 again:

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” 

Flesh and blood is not our enemy.  Our enemy is Satan.  He wants us to believe that we are each other’s enemies.  We are just playing into his hands and harming ourselves and the mission of God when we act on this belief. 

Scripture is clear that the enemy wants to devour us (2 Tim 2:24-26, Eph 4:26-27).  We must stand united and firm against this enemy.  We must be devoted to praying for ourselves and others to not allow the enemy to get a foothold and use us for his evil intents.  We are on the same team!

I don’t know about you, but as a believer in Jesus, I am so thankful for His grace and mercy!  I love Romans 8 which reminds me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  The moments I screw up I don’t have to get down on myself.  I am not condemned.  Those sins are on Jesus.  I simply turn to Him, ask forgiveness, and for the Holy Spirit to further grow and sanctify me. 

This whole idea actually comes from the Old Testament.  In Leviticus 16:20-22 we see this:

“And when he has made an end of atoning for the Holy Place and the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall present the live goat.  And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness.” 

This is where we get the term scapegoat.  God tells Moses and Aaron to confess the sins over the goat and send it off away from the people.  New Testament believers realize that Jesus has become the final scapegoat.  Our sins are placed on His shoulders at the cross and therefore sent away from us.  We are no longer condemned – thank You, Jesus!

Ready to have your mind blown?  If it is true that I am no longer condemned because my sins are on Christ Jesus, then isn’t it also true that my brothers and sisters in Christ are also no longer condemned?  The Christian who has deeply wounded me has his or her sins on Jesus’ shoulders the same as I do.  The same grace and mercy I am so thankful to experience is extended to the Christian who sins against me. 

It is not my job to condemn. 

God does not condemn… that is part of what Jesus has done for us. 

You know who does condemn?  Satan!  He’s the only one who continually brings up your past failures and mistakes.  That does not come from God.  A Christian who is moping about his or her past is not walking in the freedom of the cross. 

How do we unite to fight against this enemy when we’ve been hurt by our fellow Christian?  We pray for the Holy Spirit to convict us of ways that we each may be allowing Satan to gain a foothold in our lives.  We pray for God to protect us from the arrows Satan is throwing at us.  We remember the importance of the armor of God (Eph 6). 

What this has looked like for me lately is to pray specifically that God would bring sins committed against myself and my family to the mind of those who sinned against us and that He would develop a strong desire for repentance within that individual.  I further pray that this will plant the seed for reconciliation to occur in some of these relationships.  I do not pray this so my fellow Christian feels the weight of condemnation, but rather the freedom and rewards of sanctification. 

I also pray that God would convict me if I am letting Satan gain ground in my own heart and seek forgiveness.  I may specifically mention the sins committed against me and then thank God that those sins are on Jesus allowing my fellow Christian to be free just as I am free!  The biggest winner when reconciliation occurs between Christians is Jesus!  Jesus is going to win in the end anyway, but I want to be a part of gaining ground while the war is raging on. 

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”  (John 8:36)

~ Wounds from the Church: Forgiveness ~

One of the number one issues for someone who has scars from a hurtful church experience is that of forgiveness.  How do you forgive when it hurts so stinking bad?  How do you avoid developing a root of bitterness in your heart?  This is one of the hardest aspects of moving forward after a wound from the church.  I believe the centrality of moving forward in forgiveness is the Gospel. 

I must always keep before me what God has done for me.  Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross in order to rescue me from my sin.  Jesus was separated from God in order that I may be reunited with Him.  Paul David Tripp puts it this way in How People Change, “The trinity was torn asunder so that we can experience reconciliation and forgiveness.”  My motivation to forgive others comes from the forgiveness I have received. 

I am reminded of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35.  Scripture makes it very clear that blessings do not flow from a heart of unforgiveness.  In fact, the Bible says that we cannot love Jesus and hate others at the same time (John 4:20).  Scripture also says that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the ruler of this dark world (Eph 6).  Jonathan once rephrased it this way in a message, “If it has flesh and blood, it’s not your enemy!”  How freeing is that!?!

I know this all sounds great in theory.  Putting it into practice when you are hurting deeply, however, is a different matter.  It’s not easy!  Thankfully, the Bible also tells me what I should do when I am struggling with those who have inflicted hurt.  Matthew 5:43-48 tells the Christian that we are to love our “enemies” and pray for those who hurt us.  Luke 6:28 reinforces this same principle and says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (NIV)  It is hard to stay angry and bitter when you are praying for someone and asking God to bless them. 

In the counseling world, we talk about triggers.  They are situations or thoughts that signal to someone that something deeper is going on.  I have learned to take those moments when my true enemy (Satan) brings up the past and my mind starts going to that negative place and use it as a trigger.  It is an indicator that I need to stop, pray for that person (or people), and ask God to bless them.  Through this process, I am the one who ultimately is most blessed!

This process does not start automatically.  You must make an active choice.  Forgiveness is not a one-time event.  Every time those thoughts or feelings pop up, you have to use self-control and choose once again, to forgive.  Eventually, your heart moves.  Scripture says that “As a man thinks, so is he.”  The more I can train my thoughts to pray for and bless those who have hurt me, the more likely I am to genuinely love my “enemy.”  This provides more fertile ground for Godly reconciliation to occur. 

I think one last issue with forgiveness is how it is lumped in with many misconceptions.  I cannot say it better, so here’s a list of what forgiveness is not from the Driscoll’s book Real Marriage.

• Forgiveness is not denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not naivety.
• Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of transgression.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
• Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

So what are you holding on to?  Let it go!  This quote from Mansfield was a HUGE help for me in reframing my mind on forgiveness.

“Even if everyone involved in your hurtful situation instantly agreed with your perspective on the facts, it would not heal the damage that has been done to your insides.”

Nothing can change the past and the hurt you experienced.  You can change your future, however, by choosing to walk forward in forgiveness.

Forgiveness is loving despite sin.  We do not forgive others because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.  Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived out of love for God and others.  – Driscoll

~New Blog Series: Wounds from the Church ~

You don’t have to attend church for very long before you realize you are surrounded by sinners (including you!).  The potential for being hurt and wounded surrounds you.   This fact is only compounded when you are in ministry!  Your life becomes a fishbowl with everyone watching and making some sort of judgment.  You literally can’t win: 

• Don’t be too standoffish yet don’t be overly friendly and come off as lacking genuine care. 
• Your kids can’t ever misbehave or you are horrible parents while at the same time if your children are too well behaved then people assume you are too perfect or out of touch to relate with. 
• You attend a ministry such as MOPS and you automatically are associated with any beliefs, agendas, or gossip that takes place but if you don’t attend MOPS then you must obviously be against it. 

People often approach you as a role you play or a position and forget you are a person with feelings too.  I can’t tell you how many people have come up to me complaining about my husband.  Um, hello!  He’s my husband and it hurts my feelings for you to gossip about him to me.

You’ve heard the saying, “The only things in life that are certain are death and taxes.”  I would add to that, “Being hurt and sinned against.”  I had one dear friend who confided in me that she was terrified that we would hurt one another and ruin our relationship.  My response to her was, of course we are going to hurt one another… we are both sinners.  It doesn’t have to ruin our relationship, though.  Our continued relationship is based on how we choose to respond in the hurt. 

This is the same with the church.  I have seen many people walk away from the church altogether (and some from ministry) because of a deep wound that was inflicted from someone in the church.  If I am totally honest with myself, I have to sometimes question, “How in the world have I not given up on the church with the pains I have endured… many being the most painful wounds of my life?”   That is where this blog series is coming from.  It is the result of me answering that question to myself over and over the last few months after having endured a deep wound from the church. 

I could easily fill up a blog series of all the nasty and hurtful church experiences we have been through.  The very last thing I want, however, is for someone to stumble upon my blog and feel they have more ammunition to walk away from the body of Christ.  Instead, I am writing this series in hopes that a person about to walk away from church stumbles upon it and is encouraged to take a second look.  I hope you will find it thought provoking, challenging, edifying, and encouraging. 

Recommended reading -  

ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to the People of God by Stephen Mansfield

How People Change by Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp

 

~ Just Ask! ~

I was playing with Josiah in his room this afternoon.  We were playing with a wooden train set.  He was trying to put the tracks and bridge back together after he hit it with an "explosion".  He was getting very frustrated, starting whining, crying out...doing everything but asking me for help.  I was right there just waiting for him to calm down and ask.  Finally, he said,

"mom, will you help me please?" 

I responded,  

"Of course I will help you.  I have been waiting here the whole time for you to ask me."

As soon as I uttered those words, the Lord whispered to my heart.  How many times am I trying to be independent and in control?  How many times am I trying so hard, but can't get it right?  How many times am I frustrated, whining, and crying out?  God is right here through it all just waiting for me to turn to Him and ask,

"God, will you help me please?"

He is wanting to show me the way.  He wants to be my help.  He wants to work things for my good.  He is just waiting to say...

"Of course I will help you.  I have been waiting here the whole time for you to ask me."

 

We as pastors and leaders often lump ourselves together with the church. That’s why it hurts so much when people criticize the church, or get angry and leave (spreading gossip and slander as they go), or cause division and strife over petty issues. To us, it is always personal. But to them, it really isn’t.

But not to them. Because…

…it’s not their “baby”

…they are not invested at such a complete level

…they will not live and die here

…it is not the purpose for which they were put on this earth

They are not me. They will never see it the way I do, and it’s not fair of me to put that expectation on them. This is my road, not theirs. This is my journey, and I have to own it.

-Kerri Weems

Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. 2 We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. 3 If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. 4 All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get. 5 Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. 6 It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. 7 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. 8 As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, 9 but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken....12 While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! 13 We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. 14 And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. 15 Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! 16 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. 17 These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. 18 There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4, The Message

It's been quite a while since I've read The Message (I'm mostly an ESV girl).  I heard this passage in a Chuck Swindoll message over the weekend and it really stood out to me in this different version.  Kind of sums certain things up for me!

Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you.  He will never cast you away.  He is incapable of suddenly deciding He no longer wants you.  If you have received God's Son as your Savior, nothing you can do will cause Him to reject you.  Believe what God's Word tells you about Him and about you.  You are defined by the love and acceptance of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe.  He happens to think you are worth loving...and keeping.  Find your identity in Him.

-Beth Moore, Praying God's Word, Overcoming Feelings of Rejection