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God knows exactly when to withhold or to grant us any visible sign of encouragement.  How wonderful it is when we will trust Him in either case!  Yet it is better when all visible evidence that He is remembering us is withheld.  He wants us to realize that His Word- His promise of remembering us - is more real and dependable than any evidence our senses may reveal.  It is good when He sends the visible evidence, but we appreciate it even more after we have trusted Him without it.  And those who are the most inclined to trust God without any evidence except His Word always receive the greatest amount of visible evidence of his love. - Charles Gallaudet Trumbull

Delayed answers to prayers are not refusals.  Many prayers are received and recorded, yet underneath are the words, "My time has not yet come."  God has a fixed time and an ordained purpose, and He who controls the limits of our lives also determines the time of our deliverance.

Paul's great objective was not merely to instruct and to improve, but to save. Have our Christian laboratory been aimed at anything below this point? Our skirts will be bloodred if through life we have sought inferior purposes and forgotten that people need to be saved. He (Paul) did not try to educate men, but to save them. He saw men sinking to hell, and he did not talk about refining them, but of their being saved from the "wrath to come" (Matt 3:7). To bring about their salvation, he gave himself up with untiring zeal to preaching the Gospel, to warning and beseeching men to be reconciled to God. The Gospel was the one all-important business with him. If he might save some, he would be content. - Charles Spurgeon

May this be the sole ambition of Life Church Michigan! Will you join us in being all things to all people so God may SAVE some?

So the churches were strengthened and made firm in the faith, and they increased in number day after day. - Acts 16:5

Lord, just as You strengthened and built up the early Church in Acts through the work of Paul and Timothy, I pray that You would strengthen Life Church Michigan.  Make her firm in the faith.  Build the faith of all who are a part of Life Church.  Jesus, I truly believe that as You strengthen Life Church and make all of us firm in the faith, You will increase our number day after day.  Use Life Church to change lives and give an increase to the Kingdom of Heaven.  Thank You, Jesus, for Your promise to strengthen and increase the Church.  Amen.

~ Praying Scriptures for Your Church ~

 

One of the most powerful ways to pray is by using Scripture.  I was sitting this morning, thinking and praying about the future of our church plant - Life Church Michigan.  I was praying over our goal of being able to offer quality worship services and kids' ministry on a weekly basis.  I quickly began to think of all the little details and needs that have to be taken care of in order for this to happen.  Almost as soon as these swirling thoughts popped into my mind, I felt Jesus whisper to my heart,  

"I will build my church and the gates of hell will not overcome it." 

Wow!  How freeing for me to remember the very words of Jesus from Matthew 16:18!  It's not up to us to build this church - that is Jesus's job.  When we allow Him the freedom to work, the result is something so strong that nothing Satan throws at it can overcome it! 

I found myself beginning to pray this Scripture back to God for our church. 

This got me thinking,

"Why don't I do a word study in the Bible on the church and then pray some of those Scriptures over Life Church?" 

I am so excited about this divine revelation that I just had to share it!  I want to challenge others who are partnering with Life Church to join me in praying God's word over our church. 

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades (the powers of the infernal region) shall not overpower it [or be strong to its detriment or hold out against it]. - Matthew 16:18, The Amplified Bible

Lord Jesus, it is easy to get overwhelmed when I think of all the things that are needed to build our church plant.  Forgive me, God for arrogantly assuming that the responsibility to build the church belongs to me.  Thank You for reminding me through Your Word that Jesus builds the church.  God, I pray that You would build Your Church through Life Church Michigan.  You know the needs.  You know the lost people who wait to be found.  God, it all rests in Your hands.  Thank You, Jesus, that when You build the church, Satan cannot overpower it!  God place Your protection over Life Church Michigan.  Fortify her and bind the enemy!  In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen!

~ An Open Letter to My Church Planter Husband ~

Jonathan –

 Wow!  I am excited as I anticipate beginning a whole new journey with you in ministry!  There are many moments where it still hasn’t sunk in that God has called us to start Life Church.  I never anticipated that He would bring us back to church planting this soon.  I can see, however, through the many experiences we have faced in the last 11 years of ministry how God was preparing us and bringing us to this day – to bring LIFE to the Great Lakes Bay Region of Michigan (a place neither one of us would’ve selected on our own). 

We’ve had so many amazing opportunities to partner with God and see lives changed forever!  Those individual lives are what I set my sight upon as we venture into a new ministry.  I know that He will be faithful to draw the lost to Him.  I look forward to seeing the ripple effect!  I think of names like Matt.  We met Matt when he was finishing up college.  He was just coasting through life.  Doing his best to support his single mother and younger brother.  He crossed paths with you and God whispered to his heart, “There’s more for you.  Follow Me.”  He did just that!  He was baptized and began actively serving and giving.  He eventually became your volunteer assistant.  Matt took ownership of his walk with God.   He grew in knowledge and began living out his faith.  He is now serving as a youth pastor!  This one life that was changed under your spiritual authority is now rippling to change multiple other lives for eternity with God’s prompting.  And that’s just one example!  Think of the ways the world now and heaven in the future will be changed because you continue to say “Yes” to God!

We have certainly had our shares of ups and downs in the last 11 years of ministry.  The past year in particular has been one of the hardest we’ve ever endured.  I am so thankful that by the grace of God, neither one of us has become bitter or walked away from the mission of the Church.  I know there have been questions and doubts along the way.  I deeply admire how you’ve embraced those moments and grown in patience to see what God has laid out as the answers.  We have gone through the fire and come out the other side exclaiming in our hearts, “Jesus is enough!”

One of the traits I appreciate about you the most is your willingness to continue to learn about how God has wired you and the ways that affects your leadership style.  You are always willing to grow and change to be a more effective leader.  I know that the many challenges that have been faced in the recent past will further equip you as the leader of Life Church.  In fact, without those previous experiences, Life Church would not be here.

I am sure there will be a fair share of critics and negativity as our baby church goes through birthing pains.  It may be tempting and easy for you to listen to and believe in lies that the enemy uses to attack you.  I want you to know that, through it all, I am by your side.  I am praying over you, your mind, and your leadership.  Most of all, I am praying that you remember the truth of who you are!  God will never give up on you.  He sees you for what you can become.  I have written these words to you before, but I want to remind you once again of how our all powerful God sees you:

He sees you through the eyes of divine potential.

He sees you through the eyes of a kind-hearted father.

He sees you as a son in whom He is well pleased.

He sees you as a loving, caring husband and father.

He sees you freed from your sins.

He sees you healed from your wounds.

He sees you liberated from your fears.

He sees a new and tender, regenerated heart which beats for righteousness.

He sees you serving your family, the body of Christ and the world.

He sees your motives purified by love.

He sees you as a real man.

He sees you like His Son, Jesus, the only real man who ever lived.

God looks at you and says, “What I see about Jon is the truth about him.  Because I can do it, want to do it, and will do it!”

I love you and am excited as we go on this new journey together!

Forever yours,

Amber

~ Wounds from the Church: Redemption ~

Previously in this series:

• Introduction to this blog series
• Reality Check
• Forgiveness
• The Enemy

 

It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes. 
(Psalm 119:71 ESV)

This post has been a long time coming.  It has literally taken me months to process and get this down.  This particular part of my “Wounds from the Church” series has been the most difficult to write.  It's a bit raw and gut-level honest, so please bear with me. 

I think the biggest challenge in writing this is that our story is not yet complete.  We do not yet have a happy ending tied neatly with a bow.  Growing in faith when the pain runs so deep is a great challenge some days.

I believe that there are times when God allows (and dare I say even ordains) us to experience painful seasons and situations.  This may be the only way to serve His ultimate purposes in us, teach us, and mold us.  I have never really enjoyed these seasons in my life, but I can say unequivocally that these are the seasons that God has been most precious to me and times that I have grown the most in my spiritual journey.  

This is also true of my church hurt from over these past twelve months.  I was really encouraged by this quote from Stephen Mansfield in the midst of lost and broken relationships.  It helped me see the bigger picture and to not always take the rejection so personally:

“The hardship of your painful church experience is redemptive in the hand of God and it may even be ordained…  If this hardship was ordained of God and if it is a tool he is using to carve Christ’s image in your life, then you can’t stay angry at the people who might have wronged you… 

Now you can see them as playing their role – yes, perhaps hurtfully to you – but playing out a role nevertheless that wasn’t as personally intended as their actions may have seemed.  Your focus can now rise from them to the purposes of God.  (Joseph – Gen 50:20).  You can get on with the ultimate reason for what you have endured (God’s calling).”

Over the last year, Jon and I have developed a saying based out of our experience – "This is a Genesis 50:20 moment."  This comes from the account of Joseph, who felt the anointing of God at a young age.  God spoke to him in dreams that he would serve God’s purposes and in so doing, rule over his brothers.  Joseph must’ve been so excited that God had given him this amazing vision! 

Joseph shares this with his older brothers who, instead of joining the excitement, are jealous and  fearful.  His brothers sell him into slavery (only after debating over whether to KILL him!).  Joseph spends a great deal of time in prison in Egypt.  He could’ve sat there and ruminated on the sins of his brothers.  He had to have questioned repeatedly if he had indeed heard the voice of God!  Joseph does eventually see those early visions realized.  God delivers him.  His brothers return asking for Joseph’s help.  How does he respond after all he has endured? 

 ²⁰ As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people  should be kept alive, as they are today.

We looked at our circumstances.  God had clearly called us to reach this region of Michigan.  We had closed on a new house only a couple months beforehand.  Our son was registered to start his first school experience in a matter of days.  We had worked and saved to invest thousands of dollars in the adoption process. 

A pastor friend of ours put it this way: “God has painted you into a corner.”  There was no doubt that, despite our confusion, God was calling us to stay put.  This confirmation has only continued as 15 individual assessors have recognized God calling us to stay and reach the Great Lakes Bay Region of Michigan through birthing Life Church Michigan. 

A small pocket filled with fear meant evil against us, but God meant it for good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive! 

The last year has been excruciatingly painful.  We have endured lies, deceit, gossip and more...  We watch people we were committed to doing life with move on without us.  I have to believe, however, that God is using this to mold and prepare us.

We are being equipped to more effectively minister to and love the people we serve: 

• We can now reach that couple going through a divorce because we have personal experience with what those dynamics feel like having been divorced from our previous church. 
• We can sit and weep with the one who is facing loss or death because we have felt that depth of sorrow with an abrupt loss all of our close day-to-day relationships with no goodbye. 
• We can pray in faith for that family who is facing unemployment after working so hard to build up a career.  And on and on it goes…

I believe down to my core that God will bring the vision of Life Church Michigan to pass.  He could not have accomplished what He is working in us now or in our future church in any better way. 

Life Church Michigan would never have been birthed if it weren’t for our painful experience.  God has plans for our family to impact this region forever! 

This is how I can come to a point of thanking God for removing us from our previous church – hurt and all.  This is a Genesis 50:20 moment for the Herron Family!

~ Wounds from the Church: Forgiveness ~

One of the number one issues for someone who has scars from a hurtful church experience is that of forgiveness.  How do you forgive when it hurts so stinking bad?  How do you avoid developing a root of bitterness in your heart?  This is one of the hardest aspects of moving forward after a wound from the church.  I believe the centrality of moving forward in forgiveness is the Gospel. 

I must always keep before me what God has done for me.  Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross in order to rescue me from my sin.  Jesus was separated from God in order that I may be reunited with Him.  Paul David Tripp puts it this way in How People Change, “The trinity was torn asunder so that we can experience reconciliation and forgiveness.”  My motivation to forgive others comes from the forgiveness I have received. 

I am reminded of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35.  Scripture makes it very clear that blessings do not flow from a heart of unforgiveness.  In fact, the Bible says that we cannot love Jesus and hate others at the same time (John 4:20).  Scripture also says that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the ruler of this dark world (Eph 6).  Jonathan once rephrased it this way in a message, “If it has flesh and blood, it’s not your enemy!”  How freeing is that!?!

I know this all sounds great in theory.  Putting it into practice when you are hurting deeply, however, is a different matter.  It’s not easy!  Thankfully, the Bible also tells me what I should do when I am struggling with those who have inflicted hurt.  Matthew 5:43-48 tells the Christian that we are to love our “enemies” and pray for those who hurt us.  Luke 6:28 reinforces this same principle and says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (NIV)  It is hard to stay angry and bitter when you are praying for someone and asking God to bless them. 

In the counseling world, we talk about triggers.  They are situations or thoughts that signal to someone that something deeper is going on.  I have learned to take those moments when my true enemy (Satan) brings up the past and my mind starts going to that negative place and use it as a trigger.  It is an indicator that I need to stop, pray for that person (or people), and ask God to bless them.  Through this process, I am the one who ultimately is most blessed!

This process does not start automatically.  You must make an active choice.  Forgiveness is not a one-time event.  Every time those thoughts or feelings pop up, you have to use self-control and choose once again, to forgive.  Eventually, your heart moves.  Scripture says that “As a man thinks, so is he.”  The more I can train my thoughts to pray for and bless those who have hurt me, the more likely I am to genuinely love my “enemy.”  This provides more fertile ground for Godly reconciliation to occur. 

I think one last issue with forgiveness is how it is lumped in with many misconceptions.  I cannot say it better, so here’s a list of what forgiveness is not from the Driscoll’s book Real Marriage.

• Forgiveness is not denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not naivety.
• Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of transgression.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
• Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

So what are you holding on to?  Let it go!  This quote from Mansfield was a HUGE help for me in reframing my mind on forgiveness.

“Even if everyone involved in your hurtful situation instantly agreed with your perspective on the facts, it would not heal the damage that has been done to your insides.”

Nothing can change the past and the hurt you experienced.  You can change your future, however, by choosing to walk forward in forgiveness.

Forgiveness is loving despite sin.  We do not forgive others because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.  Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived out of love for God and others.  – Driscoll

~ Wounds from the Church: Reality Check ~

One thought that has helped me as I have pondered wounds from the church the last few months is that of expectations.  I am not minimizing that people have sinned against me (or at times I have been guilty of the same).  The Bible clearly states that all have sinned and fall short of God’s perfect standard (Rom. 3:23).  I would propose, however, that wounds are deepened based on our expectations. 

I have sisters.  My relationships with all of them are as different as all our personalities.  Two sisters could respond the exact same way to me in a given situation and with one I may feel hurt while with the other there are no hard feelings.  Why is that?  It’s because I expect different things from each one based on our relationship, personalities, and season of life. 

I have found that pain pierces more deeply when it takes me by surprise.  In my most recent church hurt, I was not at all surprised by the actions of a few people.  Yes, it hurt, but they acted the way I expected them to based on past experience, the level of relationship, and spiritual maturity.  There were several others, however, that did not respond as I expected.  I felt a greater degree of hurt from those individuals because I was not expecting it.  

So where am I going with all of this?  Knowing that all people are sinners, I should not be surprised when people sin against me.  It is a fact of life.  It is not right or fair for me to expect my “friends” or others to serve as functional saviors.  The only ONE who will never let me down is Jesus.  Trying to force a person into that role will only leave me disappointed and with an idol problem. 

We have to learn to live in community with this tension… trusting others while at the same time knowing realistically that a time will come that sin will create messiness between us. 

Stephen Mansfield says, “What this means practically is that the very people we hug on Sunday morning or welcome into our homes for cell groups are beings who both bear the image of God and evidence of the scars of evil, who both strive to live the truths of God and yet sometimes descend into the character of pagans.”

Keeping this realistic expectation will help prevent deeper hurt.  I won’t be so surprised next time when a brother or sister in Christ sins against me.  This prepares my heart in advance to bestow grace and forgiveness. 

One last thought on expectations is the western evangelical idea that being a Christian means you won’t suffer or face difficulties in this life.  We have turned comfort and happiness into our goal rather than holiness.  The Bible promises the exact opposite (remember Jesus saying, “In this world you will have trouble”). 

Stephen Mansfield says it well when he states, “Great men and women of God are not exempt from hurt and offense.  Instead, enduring the wounds of fellow Christians with mercy and grace seems to be the call of every true saint, and we should not expect it to be any different in our own lives.”  Read the biography of a great saint and you will see repeated hardships! 

Mansfield goes on to say, “Christianity is not the absence of stupidity and hurt.  Christianity is the message of a God who uses our stupidity and hurt to make us what we are destined to be.”

My challenge for you is to honestly seek God and ask Him to reveal to you your expectations.  Ask Him to show you what expectations you are holding people to that are unrealistic and unfair.  Ask Him to show you how to use your hurt and “stupidity” to grow you closer to Him and to advance the Gospel. 

~New Blog Series: Wounds from the Church ~

You don’t have to attend church for very long before you realize you are surrounded by sinners (including you!).  The potential for being hurt and wounded surrounds you.   This fact is only compounded when you are in ministry!  Your life becomes a fishbowl with everyone watching and making some sort of judgment.  You literally can’t win: 

• Don’t be too standoffish yet don’t be overly friendly and come off as lacking genuine care. 
• Your kids can’t ever misbehave or you are horrible parents while at the same time if your children are too well behaved then people assume you are too perfect or out of touch to relate with. 
• You attend a ministry such as MOPS and you automatically are associated with any beliefs, agendas, or gossip that takes place but if you don’t attend MOPS then you must obviously be against it. 

People often approach you as a role you play or a position and forget you are a person with feelings too.  I can’t tell you how many people have come up to me complaining about my husband.  Um, hello!  He’s my husband and it hurts my feelings for you to gossip about him to me.

You’ve heard the saying, “The only things in life that are certain are death and taxes.”  I would add to that, “Being hurt and sinned against.”  I had one dear friend who confided in me that she was terrified that we would hurt one another and ruin our relationship.  My response to her was, of course we are going to hurt one another… we are both sinners.  It doesn’t have to ruin our relationship, though.  Our continued relationship is based on how we choose to respond in the hurt. 

This is the same with the church.  I have seen many people walk away from the church altogether (and some from ministry) because of a deep wound that was inflicted from someone in the church.  If I am totally honest with myself, I have to sometimes question, “How in the world have I not given up on the church with the pains I have endured… many being the most painful wounds of my life?”   That is where this blog series is coming from.  It is the result of me answering that question to myself over and over the last few months after having endured a deep wound from the church. 

I could easily fill up a blog series of all the nasty and hurtful church experiences we have been through.  The very last thing I want, however, is for someone to stumble upon my blog and feel they have more ammunition to walk away from the body of Christ.  Instead, I am writing this series in hopes that a person about to walk away from church stumbles upon it and is encouraged to take a second look.  I hope you will find it thought provoking, challenging, edifying, and encouraging. 

Recommended reading -  

ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to the People of God by Stephen Mansfield

How People Change by Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp

 

~ Transitioning to a Church Plant ~

A very heartfelt and sincere quesiton was asked at our last Life Church Michigan informational gathering.  The question was:

How do you go about transitioning to being a part of this new church when attending another church on Sunday mornings?

I had the opportunity to add to Jonathan's wisdom on this, but came up empty in the moment.  I have had a chance to really process this the last few days.  Here are my thoughts...

First of all, I whole-heartedly agree with what Jonathan stated in answering.  It's ok to attend another church on Sunday mornings right now.  Our family is attending a church on Sundays.  It is important especially with children to provide a church experience.  We are not having services right now.  We don't have children or student ministries set up.  An informational meeting is not a church worship service so we would expect and hope that people are attending church!

That said, a time will come when Life Church Michigan does have an engaging, gospel-centered, life-giving worship service and ministries which provide the best hour in your kids' week!  It is in that moment, that a person needs to pray and seek the Lord as to where He is calling them.  It is not ok to straddle the fence and provide half-hearted commitments to more than one church.  So, how does one go about making this decision?

I think the hardest part of leaving a church when you sense God calling you to do so, is how it affects your relationships.  Hopefully you have connected with the church and have some meaningful relationships built up from the experience.  Leaving a church often means accepting that those relationships will look different and change.  The purpose of the church, however, is not to provide you with a social life.  If the only reason you are staying at a particular church is because of the social life and friends it provides you, I would humbly say you are missing the point.  Don't get me wrong - friendships should develop in the church and they are great.  They are not the purpose though. The funny thing is that when you focus on the mission of Jesus, He naturally brings those meaningful relationships alongside you.

The purpose of the church is to equip the saints.  Committing to a local body of believers is establishing a covenant with them.  When considering this, Stephen Mansfield says one should ask questions such as

How do they view God?

What do they think He has called them to do?

Who is in charge and what authority do they have?

What have they set out themselves to do in the world?

What do they expect of their members?

Are you and your family called in the same way, to the same purposes that these people sense for themselves?

The next thing to consider is whether a particular pastor is a fit for you and your family.  The Bible says that your pastor is a gift from God.  His primary purpose is to teach and train the people to do the works of God.  Your pastor should have authority in your life.  This authority is not to make you feel scolded or guilty, it should be authority that makes you feel built up and encouraged.  So the second question to consider is:

Can this pastor train you and build you up to fulfill your destiny in the body of Christ?

The last question to consider is regarding how God has gifted and wired you.  He has a purpose and wants to use you to minister in the local body of Christ.  Stephen Mansfield says, "you are choosing a portion of the body of Christ to serve with your gifts."  So the question to wrestle with is:

Does this church provide me with the opportunity to fully serve in the way God has gifted and wired me?

I hope this helps as people pray through what church God is calling them to be a part of. 

Should God call you to leave your church, please do so in a God-honoring way!  Be honest.  Confess sins where need be.  Pray for the church and bless them on your way out. 

*thanks to Stephen Mansfield's book ReChurch chapter 7 for spurring me on with this topic