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Two Unlikely Leadership Lessons from Conan O'Brien

 

Conan O'Brien was interviewed in two different settings in the past week.
I picked up two solid yet unlikely leadership lessons from him.

#1.  Don't throw the past under the bus,
        even when you have been Leno'd.

This was an awesome-sauce interview.

Here's the thing: Conan didn't throw the past under the bus.  Sure, Letterman was publicly sniffing for dirty laundry to air (that's what gossips do), but Conan did not dishonor NBC. 

Leaders don't throw the past under the bus, even when they're Leno'd.

There is no honor in tearing down people and organizations... especially in church-world. 

Jesus purchased the church with His blood.  That's HUGE!  God loves the church, created the church, and declares the church to be Christ's bride!  Have you ever talked smack about another man's wife?  Imagine doing that to Jesus Christ!!

If a church has hurt you in the past, that does not give you the right to muddy its name.  If a church leader has disappointed you in the past, they are not your enemy (see Ephesians 6:12!!).  Forgive and let go. 

Leaders understand that integrity is doing the right thing even when it hurts.  Trust me, I've felt hurt a lot over the past year.  But I've found that God is honored most when we talk smack the least. 

If you're a leader who has walked through the fire, allow Isaac's experience in Genesis 26 to be your model.  Isaac was misnderstood, dishonored, and shunned over and over again.  But he doesn't fight back.  He submits to the Lord's will.  And verse 28 is a beautiful display of the gospel.

 

#2:  Amplify, Amplify, Amplify Your Message:

Fascinating Fact: Jay Leno's twitter has 376,000 followers while Conan O'Brien's twitter has 5.7 million.

Lean into Conan's analysis of social media - - crucial learnings for leaders during this tehnological shift in our culture:

- Twitter/blogs/Facebook isn't about self-promotion, it's inviting people into his world. 
It's relationship-building.

- "It's all about content.  Funny content is funny content."

- "How do you create a symbiotic relationship?  How do you get people emotionally-involved?"

- Fascinating back-story on Will Ferril's recent Anchor Man 2 announcement on Conan.  Good comedy always starts with a good plan.

- 1993: Obsession was don't give anything away. 
  2012: No surprises, it goes everywhere, creates a wave of viewership - incredible awareness.

- Audience gets information from multiple sources, making it fractured and distracted - must be willing to deliver your message in multiple ways. 

- Conan on leveraging social media post-Tonight Show: "This is not the way that I watch television, but I had to make a choice, and I think this is the way."

- Things happen quickly.

- Walt Disney never met a technology he was afraid of.  He constantly adapted: animation to talkies to motion pictures to theme parks to television.  He always embraced new things.  Adapt or die.

- Beatles on Ed Sullivan had 90 million tv viewers.  They were tuning in to see what they looked like.  YouTube solves that problem today.

 

BONUS: Don Miller recently wrote on this important topic for leaders: Some Thoughts on Self Promotion and Why Arrogant People Think It's Wrong.

Best quote: "Self promotion is not unholy. Occasionally I’ll encounter some well-meaning religious person who thinks self promotion works against the fame of God. I whole-heartedly disagree. In his day, Billy Graham spent millions promoting himself and his crusades, all so people could come HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT GOD. Those who know Mr. Graham would never see him as arrogant. He was over himself. But that didn’t mean God didn’t give him a personality and a mouth and later a microphone. Flowers bloom and mountains tower not to take attention from God, but to display His glory."

Warning: Boring Preachers Can Actually KILL You (see Acts 20)!!

Paul was an amazing Bible teacher:

• the guy studied under the Yoda of his day, Gamaliel
  
• Paul studied crazy-hours and knew his Bible inside and out
  
• He wrote a big chunk of the New Testament...
  You know you're an amazing Bible teacher when your sermons become Scripture!!

So you'd think with this resume that Paul would be an engaging preacher, right?

Wrong!

Paul was boring.  Which is fine... except when it leads to someone's death!

Seriously, did you know that dry preaching can be a health hazard?!

In Acts 20, Paul is waxing eloquently.  And he waxes on and on and on. 
Apparently he forgot Mr. Miyagi's number one rule: "Wax on AND wax OFF!"

The message was dry and stuffy.  A young guy, Eutychus, sat down by a window to get some fresh air.  He needed to do something to keep his attention during the sermon!

First a yawn, then some daydreaming.  Until finally, it happened: Paul's preaching was so boring, it put this teenager to sleep. 

And Eutychus fell out the window. 
Three stories. 
Straight down. 
Splat.

Now don't worry, the young guy came out ok.  It helps to have an Apostle of the living God handy to heal you!

But we don't have that luxury in today's world.  Listen, boring preachers can kill you!  Don't believe me?  Look around:

• Are your teens so jacked-up excited about their church that they're texting and Facebooking their friends with massive invites to Sunday mornings? 
• Do you see young people knocking each other over at church to fill all the seats and create standing-room-only space? 
• Is there a movement of teenagers and young adults swamping the church's facilities, breathing new life and great hope into the future of your church?

No?  Then maybe you're experiencing a Eutychus Moment.  If the passion and engagement is missing in the message, the next generation will be missing in the pews!

Young people WILL mobilize behind something they believe in (just google things like "Hunger Games" or "American Idol" if you don't believe me!).  The problem is that No one will ever follow you down the street if you're carrying a banner that says, 'Onward toward mediocrity.'

The lesson from Paul is simple: you can have more degrees than fahrenheit, but if you're not preaching life, your church will LOSE life!! 

I don't know about you, but I'm ringing the three-alarm fire siren over the fact that the Body of Christ is hemorraging out young people!  If we aren't fired up and passionately preaching life, we will continue seeing Eutychuses searching for life outside the church (which always leads to death).

Let's take heed, saddle up, and do whatever it takes to engage a generation with the promise and excitement of Jesus Christ!!

 

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This Sunday:  Make Mom Proud!

"Soooooo, why did you resign from your church last summer?"

Welcome to the new blog series!  The first question came in recently; it's one I've been asked over and over again over the past year:

"Sooooo, why did you resign from your church last summer?
It looked like you were hitting it out of the park." 

I've been waiting to respond, asking God to give me the exact right words that would honor Him, His Church, and bring closure that inspires forward-movement of the Gospel.

Before I answer this honest question, let me share why I'm opening up now. 

 

Why Now?

Amber and I have tried to go above and beyond in not causing confusion or creating disruption within our previous church home.  This is why we haven't blogged or tweeted or messenger pigeoned anyone about these events in our lives.  What we've learned through this experience is that when the truth is suppressed, that is what actually causes confusion.

Two weeks ago I was in Phoenix for a national gathering of church leaders.  God spoke to me in a very real way - - He released me to share my heart.   1 John 4 tells us that God is love and that His adoration is fully expressed in Jesus Christ.  When the Father sees me, He sees His Son.  I haven't done anything to earn this love; I can only receive it as a gift.

Listen, I have a Master's degree from cemetary seminary.  I'm in my thirteenth year of full-time ministry.  I understand the Gospel in my mind.  But everytime life throws me a curve-ball, I get to understand the Gospel in my soul.  As Chuck Swindoll once said, "When God has an impossible task, He takes an impossible man and crushes him."  Crushing is always for our spiritual growth.  And I can say that this brutally crushing experience has deepened my faith to a greater depth than if I had not experienced it in the first place.

Our family grew in March.  When we brought our newborn home recently, I held her delicately in my arms, looked into her searching baby eyes, and knew at a vulnerable level that I loved her.  Deeply.  Tenderly.  In that moment, this father looked at his daughter and said, "I will always love you.  I will keep you safe.  You have nothing to fear in this life."

Bam.

This is how God the Father sees me in Christ: I am in His arms where His voice speaks to my soul: "I will always love you.  I will keep you safe.  You have nothing to fear in this life."  After reading that God is love in 1 John 4, we read this two verses later:

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.

God is love and He casts out all fear.  When I live my life with anxiety, my root issue is unbelief.  When I trust the Lord in all things, I am growing as a follower of Jesus. 

The irony is that in what was to become my final message last July at our previous church home, I preached about becoming Fear-less.  Funny how God gave me that opportunity immediately thereafter!  Applying the Gospel to this area of my life is releasing me to share openly about our family's experience.  I've been re-writing these words over and over in my mind for many months, trying to share the honest-to-goodness truth, but showering my thoughts in a spirit of tremendous grace.  Please consider this my best shot.

 

Soooooo, why did you resign from your church last summer? 

I didn't.  Well, I guess technically I did, but it wasn't my choice.

I know, crazy, huh?  Allow me to give some backstory: our family moved to Michigan a few years ago and we love this community and region.  As I have said throughout many sermons over the years, God called our family here to plant deep roots and to radically reach this region for Christ.  During our time at our previous church home, we saw just that kind of fruit: 328 people received Christ, 135 public baptisms, and 168 went deeper in discipleship through church membership.  A year ago right now we were regularly hitting 700 in weekly attendance across three worship services.  Every number represents a life being touched by the love of Christ.  Our entire family was happy, excited, and we even bought a new house here three months before this all went down.

So, what changed?  When a church experiences rapid growth, growing pains set in.  New believers who might look different on the outside and who are young in the faith on the inside require next-steps discipleship, which in turn requires changes in priorities as a church family. 

Unfortunately, we experienced a situation similar to what happened to Tullian Tchividjian when he took the helm of an older, traditional church, only our story ended differently.  The Reader's Digest version is this: Last summer I had two back surgeries.  From what we can piece together, during my absence, a decision was made by the board (four church members who oversee the lead pastor).  While I was excited that I had recovered enough to return back to work, their news came suddenly and without warning.  I was told that the board wanted us to separate and I was given a 15 minute deadline to agree (I only share this last detail to help clear up any lingering confusion - Amber and I don't want anyone thinking I had planned this out or that the Herrons just decided to just up and walk away abruptly from our church family).   As to the reason for the separation, the senior-most member of that board later wrote to us that they had decided that my philosophy of ministry was not the right fit.  The board wanted to take the church's vision in a completely different direction.  

How did receiving this abrupt news make us feel?  We're human.  Our entire family was hurt.  Deeply. 

But as time has gone by, anyone can observe that they have indeed taken the church's flavor and ministry philosophy in a completely different direction.  And that's ok. 

I agree that I would not have been a good fit for the philosophy and direction of things as they are now.  So our family is at peace with the board's decision. 

 

Silly Chatter

All this being said, we believe that how the decision was communicated could have been done differently to better reflect the Gospel.  With no goodbyes or closure for anyone, it created an information and relational vaccuum for everyone.  Proverbs 29:18 is true - in the absence of clarity, things fall apart.  When there's secrecy wrapped in abruptness, people try to fill in the gaps with rumors.

Now I've heard many rumors in my lifetime, the biggest being that Elvis faked his death, became a trucker, and retired to Kalamazoo.  Interesting rumor to entertain at parties, but no matter how many times it's been repeated over the years, that doesn't make the rumor true.

A pastor has to have tough skin and a soft heart.  Our family chose to ignore all the silly chatter but to always be willing to sit down and talk honestly with anyone who contacted us in a sincere spirit of grace and truth.  All of the gossip was false, and anyone who has taken the time to develop a personal relationship with our family saw through it immediately. 

We know that we will always be misunderstood by gossips, but that's the price of doing something truly significant - - in the Bible, reaching people far from God gets you in trouble with religious folk.  I'm more concerned about reaching the lost in my community than I am about being misunderstood by the religious folks.  

My commitment going forward is to speak about those who oppose my ministry in a forgiving manner, in a Christ-like manner.  I will, by God's grace, do my best to take the high road, to not disparage anybody, to operate in a posture of understanding.  

After all, we only have two options when someone hurts you:

1. Give them back what they gave you.
   
   
2. Give them back what God gave you.

 

 Moving Forward

As I've consistently preached from Day One, we are for every church and pastor (in fact, I did a whole message series about this in January of 2011 called UN1TED)! 

You will not hear us speak ill of other church leaders, nor will we engage with silly church-world critics.  Jesus is about building up His church; only the enemy seeks to tear people down.  

We deeply love our previous church home and are actively praying for God to bless them! 

The Gospel compels us to take the high road even when it hurts.    Taking the high road isn't always the easiest route. Yet it is the route where God receives the most glory.  Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." 

We are excited about moving forward toward seeing even more people experience new life in Christ.  We understand that it will take all different flavors of churches to reach all different flavors of people, and so we are excited to be able to offer one of those flavors that will be completely different from anything else in this region.  As I always say, we are not here to compete with other churches but to complete the Body of Christ!

Thank you for being part of our journey.  Our family appreciates your prayers and encouragement as we continue to make much of the Gospel of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Peace be with you.

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Have a question about God, life, ministry, adoption, or church planting?

Ask your question in the Comments section below and we may tackle it in a future post!

This isn't another blog post about Tim Tebow's faith.

This is a snapshot of how a true leader carries himself when your world caves in.

Sometimes leaders receive tough news:  You are being replaced. 

I know.  I've been there.

How a leader reacts when their heart is being yanked out says a lot about their integrity and honor.

John Elway shared with reporters his phone conversation with Tim Tebow about Peyton Manning:

"He said, `Well, we're talking about Peyton Manning. I understand exactly what you're doing.' 
He was very, very positive."

Taking the high road is not easy. 

But in that moment, Tebow revealed true character as a leader.

No lashing out.  No cursing.  No angry blog posts.  Just honor and integrity.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" - Proverbs 19:11

Taking the high road is not the easy path, but it is the path where God receives the most honor.

 

 

At the time, The Little Mermaid was THE standard in motion picture animation.

That's when a little known production start-up known as Pixar pitched Tom Hanks.

"You don't want me to sing, do you?"

Pixar assured him that Toy Story would be different.

They quietly wrote out their own secret rules of story-telling:

• No songs
• No "I want" moment
• No happy village
• No love story
• No villain

As Toy Story went into production, Disney bosses freaked out.

Disney contacted a well-known, established songwriter for his take.

Without knowing about Pixar's secret rules, he said Toy Story needed:

• Songs
• An "I want" moment
• A happy village
• A love story
• A villain

Pixar broke all the rules. 

And in the process, the built a better story.

Guest Post

FROM JONATHAN:  My awesome wife, Amber, holds her Bachelor's Degree in Science from UIC and her Master's Degree in Clinical Pastoral Counseling from Ashland Theological Seminary.  Combine that background with 13 years as a pastor's wife and you get this guest blog post.  You can read her entire series, Wounds from the Church, all this week on her blog.  Very insightful and helpful material:

One of the number one issues for someone who has scars from a hurtful church experience is that of forgiveness.  How do you forgive when it hurts so stinking bad?  How do you avoid developing a root of bitterness in your heart?  This is one of the hardest aspects of moving forward after a wound from the church.  I believe the centrality of moving forward in forgiveness is the Gospel. 

I must always keep before me what God has done for me.  Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross in order to rescue me from my sin.  Jesus was separated from God in order that I may be reunited with Him.  Paul David Tripp puts it this way in How People Change, “The trinity was torn asunder so that we can experience reconciliation and forgiveness.”  My motivation to forgive others comes from the forgiveness I have received. 

I am reminded of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35.  Scripture makes it very clear that blessings do not flow from a heart of unforgiveness.  In fact, the Bible says that we cannot love Jesus and hate others at the same time (John 4:20).  Scripture also says that our enemy is not flesh and blood, but the ruler of this dark world (Eph 6).  Jonathan once rephrased it this way in a message, “If it has flesh and blood, it’s not your enemy!”  How freeing is that!?!

I know this all sounds great in theory.  Putting it into practice when you are hurting deeply, however, is a different matter.  It’s not easy!  Thankfully, the Bible also tells me what I should do when I am struggling with those who have inflicted hurt.  Matthew 5:43-48 tells the Christian that we are to love our “enemies” and pray for those who hurt us.  Luke 6:28 reinforces this same principle and says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (NIV)  It is hard to stay angry and bitter when you are praying for someone and asking God to bless them. 

In the counseling world, we talk about triggers.  They are situations or thoughts that signal to someone that something deeper is going on.  I have learned to take those moments when my true enemy (Satan) brings up the past and my mind starts going to that negative place and use it as a trigger.  It is an indicator that I need to stop, pray for that person (or people), and ask God to bless them.  Through this process, I am the one who ultimately is most blessed!

This process does not start automatically.  You must make an active choice.  Forgiveness is not a one-time event.  Every time those thoughts or feelings pop up, you have to use self-control and choose once again, to forgive.  Eventually, your heart moves.  Scripture says that “As a man thinks, so is he.”  The more I can train my thoughts to pray for and bless those who have hurt me, the more likely I am to genuinely love my “enemy.”  This provides more fertile ground for Godly reconciliation to occur. 

I think one last issue with forgiveness is how it is lumped in with many misconceptions.  I cannot say it better, so here’s a list of what forgiveness is not from the Driscoll’s book Real Marriage.

• Forgiveness is not denying, approving or diminishing sin that is committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not naivety.
• Forgiveness is not enabling sin.
• Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge sin, apologize, and repent.
• Forgiveness is not forgetting about sin committed against us.
• Forgiveness is not dying emotionally and no longer feeling the pain of transgression.
• Forgiveness is not a one-time event.
• Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
• Forgiveness is not neglecting justice.

So what are you holding on to?  Let it go!  This quote from Mansfield was a HUGE help for me in reframing my mind on forgiveness.

“Even if everyone involved in your hurtful situation instantly agreed with your perspective on the facts, it would not heal the damage that has been done to your insides.”

Nothing can change the past and the hurt you experienced.  You can change your future, however, by choosing to walk forward in forgiveness.

"Forgiveness is loving despite sin.  We do not forgive others because they are good or deserving, but rather because God is good and deserving.  Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived out of love for God and others."  – Driscoll

Lin-sanity: The Story Behind the Story of the New York Knicks' Jeremy Lin

NBA Eastern Conference Player of the Week.
136 points in his first 5 starts - the most by any NBA player since 1976.
A 3-point, game-winning clutch shot.

Jeremy Lin is the story right now.  But there's a story behind the story:

• As a high school senior, he led his team to a 32-1 record and state championship.  However, he was passed-over by college basketball recruiters.  Not once.  Not twice.  Three rejections (including Stanford, which was practically across the street from him!).
• Lin landed at Harvard, which known for producing presidents, not basketball pro's.
• Lin was under-valued and not selected in the NBA Draft.  Again, the feeling of not being good enough.

He finally made it into the NBA, only to experience deeper rejections during this current season:

• He was cut by the Golden State Warriors.  Cut is another word for fired.
• He was cut by the Houston Rockets.
• He played on four NBA developmental teams.
• He then found himself at the end of the Knicks bench.  He did not even get in the game for 13 of his first 22 games.
• Hours before the Super Bowl, Lin was thisclose to being cut a third time.  By the Knicks.

And then opportunity crossed paths with Lin's readiness.  Unleashing Lin-sanity.

You see, there's always a story behind the story of emerging greatness. 
Maybe someone rejected you.  Painfully.  Perhaps you've told you're not good enough. 

Jeremy Lin's story tells us that failure doesn't have to be the end. 
Other people don't get to define you.  Your story is yours to write. 

God is in the redemption business.  He loves developing second acts.

So take a risk.  Jump.  Fail harder.

 

Introverts Make Great Communicators

I learned this studying in the 1990's under Tina Fey in Chicago. 
Smart and polite. 
Sharp as a tack.
And an introvert. 
Tina wasn't the after-party girl at Second City.
Instead she labored through and internalized ideas during her off-hours
until they came out on stage as comedic genius.

 

John Piper shared at a 2004 conference that introverts preach. 
God's grace eclipses their weakness. 
He thanks God to this day for his awkward teenage years. 
They were the fertile genesis of digging deep toward a pastoral soul.

 

The first time I shared a meal with Mark Driscoll, I was struck by how quiet he was. 
But give him a microphone on a bare stage and - WHAMO - God puts His super on Driscoll's natural.

Remembering the late Martin de Maat

This time of year my thoughts always return to Martin, one of my theater professors at Columbia, who passed away eleven years ago.  While he easily could have indulged self-importance as the Artistic Director of The Second City, Martin instead oozed with humility and wild acceptance, personally welcoming me with open arms (literally) in the Fall of 1996, introducing me to my eventual improv-comedy teachers: Mick Napier, Norm Holly, Anne Libera, Jim Zulevic, and Tina Fey.

Martin was a close friend and mentor who bought this poor college kid lunch, drove me to the hospital when I was sick with the flu, and stood beside me as a groomsman at our wedding. 

He once surprised Amber and I on a wintry Windy City evening with ice cream at a hole-in-the-wall diner, mixing his improv-philosophies with silly humor and engaging stories of Chicago-lore.  "You know," he whispered to us with a twinkle in his eye, "This booth we're sitting in right now is where The Beatles used to hang out after their shows!"

The effect Martin had in shaping my work as a communicator and leader is immeasurable.  Here are some of his leadership quotes that continue to shape my thinking and approach to ministry:

"You can get the biggest laugh in a scene simply by saying 'ahem' - it's all about context."

"You are pure potential!"

"The Hokey Pokey.  Think about it.  At the end of the song, what do we learn?
What is it all about?  You put your whole self in!"

"You know what intimacy is? It's into-me-you-see."

"Always in life surround yourself with people who make you happy. Life is short and you will be surprised how much better your life is if you just stop hanging out with the jerks we are all drawn towards."

"The fun is always on the other side of a yes."

"Do you have the right to call yourself an artist? The moment you manifested enough courage to enroll in your class you jumped off that cliff. You have no choice but to keep your wings flapping."

"You have the right to follow your dreams.
I'm giving you permission to follow your dreams."

The Role of Testosterone in Church Planting (part 2 of 2)

Paul the Apostle was a church planter.  His writings in the New Testament are a chronicle of starting new churches from scratch. 
History also tells us that Paul was bald.  Both are symptoms of a guy with extra testosterone!

When God gives a man extra testosterone (T+), it enables him to take bigger risks for the Kingdom (starting new churches from scratch). 
The Spirit brings together biology and calling for God's work!

The lead-up to a new church builds tension.  The public launch releases a burst of excitement.  And the inevitable holy hangover is tension-free.  This powerful cycle of energy is both spiritually-driven and biologically-hardwired into men.  T+ guys will regularly experience cycles of a short buildup of tension followed by a gratifying and decisive release. 

Think about it: when a guy is faced with a challenge, stress, or threat, his body is put on major alert.  Will he fight or take flight?  Will he seize the moment or seize the escape?  This tension-release loop is part of manhood and explains the competitive nature of guys.  When a guy has T+, he will feel a higher compulsion toward the cycle of tension-release.  Whether its bar fights, debates, sex, or sports, its all tied to testosterone.

If a guy finds no creative (and legal) way to complete the tension-release cycle, he will go underground to angrily lash out later in destructive acts.  Or it will grow within him into depression, torturing self-criticism, or painful feelings of hopelessness.

This is why calling and purpose are so important:
if you're a guy with a truck-load of testosterone, you need Jesus to not just guide you spiritually, but also biologically! 

T+ is a recipe for either chaos or creativity; the intersection is God's calling.

When we look at science through the lens of scripture, we realize that God gives T+ to certain men to accomplish certain tasks.  Whether its Samson or Saul, we see mighty men wired naturally for supernatural tasks. 

The tension-release cycle helps us understand not only the launching of new churches, but also the launching of new message series and programs.  The build-up is both spiritually and biologically driven in a man as it builds tension.  The kick-off is the release and the resulting holy hangover is the result of chemical depletion in the body.

God uses testosterone for His glory and Kingdom expansion. 
Understanding the biology of T+ guys is simply another element toward predicting church planting success.