Herron Hacienda | Faith, Family, & Frugal Finds in Michigan

~ Adoption Awareness - No Joke ~

Did you know that November is Adoption Awareness month?  Adoption surrounds us in our culture and often we don't even realize it.  This is one reason why being educated and aware of adoption and adoption issues is beneficial to everyone...regardless of your personal connection to adoption.  Here is an example I experienced a couple of weeks ago while at work...

I was working my seasonal job and was helping a guest find a certain item she wanted to purchase.  In the midst of this, her family came around her.  Her husband was carrying a young toddler boy on his shoulders.  He was one of those super adorable little kids.  I just couldn't NOT say something.  So I looked at the dad and told him, "he is SO cute!"  The dad's response was, "he's adopted."  My first thought was to share how I, too, am an adoptive parent.  Thankfully I didn't since in that split second, the dad began to laugh.  The mom quickly stepped up to defend that the little boy was her son born to her and not adopted.  The dad thought it was a funny joke to say their son was adopted.  I was so glad that I had not opened up!  I have to say that if I were not representing a company as an employee at that moment, I probably would've confronted this man.  I decided to let it go in the moment. 

This interaction got me to thinking though.  Why is it that our culture often sees adoption as a joke?  Think about it.  How many movies talk about adoption as a joke?  How many times have your heard someone who is joking about not fitting into a family as possibly adopted (when they are indeed biologically connected)?  Adoption is a private issue that most people choose not to broadcast at all times.  This means that you and I can be interacting with others personally connected to adoption without knowing it.  I am not saying you have to tiptoe around the topic, but be educated and respectful.  You never know how it is affecting the listener. 

I am so thankful that my son was not there at work with me that night.  I think he would've proudly admitted to being adopted (which is great!).  He would not, however, have understood why that man would be joking about the beautiful way his family was made. 

Those are my two cents, for what it's worth!

~ The Real Me Challenge: Infertility in my life today ~

This is the final posting for this series!  I did not want to leave things on a low note!

I mentioned in the previous post that I had written this whole series about a year ago.  I would open up the document and read it over every so often, but did not feel that it was the right time to post it til now.  This also means that it has left the story unfinished.  My final post is basically an update on all that happened in the last year!

It was about one year ago, that Jonathan and I sat across the dinner table from Joe Sangl.  We had tears in our eyes as we shared our entire family's desire to add another member.  Joe seemed like the perfect confidant for a number of reasons. 

The first was that he and his wife had experienced the same dynamics of heartbreak in wanting another child.  He spent countless nights tucking in his daugther while she pleaded for a sibling.  He and his wife had exhausted all biological/medical efforts with no results.  (God performed a miracle and provided a baby brother last year - read about that here!)

The second reason we opened up to Joe was that we respect how he is winning with money.  He would understand our desire and commitment to become debt free along with the tension of needing thousands to adopt again.  His advice and direction would be financially sound.

We expected him to empathize with our desires, but also to encourage us to stick to the discipline and keep paying off that debt!  We were surprised by his response.  Joe looked back at us with tenderness in his eyes and suggested that we put our debt snowball on hold and begin saving for adoption (as well as the sale of our home in Ohio).  He also encouraged us to continue down the path of foster to adopt simultaneously if we felt like God was leading that direction.

We walked away with a plan to start focusing on saving.  We had a decent amount saved in a few months.  We also got licensed as foster parents.  

It was the beginning of August when we had a 2 year old and a 10 month old placed with us.  We were excited, overwhelmed and outnumbered!  The adrenaline quickly wore down, however, with each sleepless night.  This was only compounded when in the midst of some of the most stressful days of parenting 3 kiddos, we found out that there was virtually no chance for us to adopt them.  What seemed like 3 months was actually only 3 weeks and the kiddos moved on.  It seemed increasingly clear that foster to adopt was not the best option for us in this season of life.

We took the small amount saved (part of which came from random generous gifts from others!) and began the private infant adoption process.  We knew we didn't have the full amount saved to pay for the whole adoption process, but we trusted God would provide.  We also knew that changes to the adoption tax credit would eventually be a huge help to pay off any debt we might incur.  

We wrote checks for the first few services - so far so good.  I looked at the fee schedule for what was next.  I was already at the point of not really knowing where the money would come from.  That same week, we received a generous check for our adoption in the mail.  The next hurdle passed and still no new debt incurred!

Our home study was fully updated and our profile "active" by January of 2011!  Our savings in our adoption fund had also dwindled down.  I had just sent out a prayer email to family about praying for God's provision for just the next fee that would come our way once linked.  That same week, we finally had a tax exemption we applied for 8 months prior approved.  Our amended return would more than cover that next fee!  I was amazed at God's timing and provision!  Nothing would prepare me, however, for what He would do next!  I realized early in our tax preparation for 2010 that the changes to the adoption tax credit would actually benefit us now due to a carry over from Josiah's adoption!  This will provide even more cash to go towards our final adoption expenses.  We may still incur a very small amount of debt (you never know depending on the situation) but overall, we feel very positive and blessed!

God has done the unthinkable in our finite minds in the last year.  He provided a buyer for our house in Ohio.  He provided generous and unexpected gifts from others.  He has allowed us to somehow still continue to pay off debt (40,000 in the last 2 years - including all adoption debt!).  He has provided a very strong foundation of cash as we continue to move forward in the adoption process. 

One year ago, I was despondent and tearful.  We stepped out in faith, discipline and obedience and God met us more than half way.  I never imagined that a year later, we would have the hope that we have now.  A year later our conversations are filled with ideas for baby names.  A year later we can say to Josiah, "when you become a big brother," and have confidence that it will happen sooner than later. 

I guess I would end this series with this - I thank God for our infertility.  We have allowed Him to turn our mourning into dancing (Psalm 30)!  God has truly blessed us through our journey of infertility.  Every single tear that was cried was worth the blessing and joy of adopting Josiah.  Every single person that God has given us an opportunity to minister to and not waste our suffering makes it worthwhile (2 Cor 1:4).  Every single financial blessing bestowed upon us with hearts that join us in our adoption journey reminds us that we are not walking the path alone.  My husband and I are infertile.  My husband and I are blessed!

 

~ The Real Me Challenge: Infertility Pt. 3 ~

Read here for  part 1 and part 2

Jonathan and I nervously awaited the doctor in the cold examination room.  We speculated on what he would say.  The shred of hope we were holding onto was crushed with what the doctor shared with us.  He gave us one further test we could pursue with almost no guarantees.  He also gave us a very trite solution that we 100% morally disagreed with.  We chased the one rabbit trail presented to us, but only had to go a little ways to realize we were now a statistic (One in six couples is infertile. In 40 per cent of cases the problem rests with the male, in 40 per cent with the female, ten per cent with both partners, and in a further ten per cent of cases, the cause is unknown). 

I don’t know if it was God’s protection and empowerment or my own denial, but my response now began to change.  I was almost numb.  I remember describing to others that the feeling was like I had always known this would happen.  I remember after marriage and that little discussion on our honeymoon thinking, “we aren’t going to be able to have biological children.”  It was a sort of intuition.  I remember also thinking and praying, “God, I knew this was going to be revealed.  And now it is.”

Jonathan and I responded to our news by seeking out information.  We immediately sought out books to educate and comfort us.  We also immediately knew we would adopt.  Adoption had always been on our hearts.  Our plan was to have two biological children and then wait several years and adopt two children.  Making the shift to adoption was not a difficult one.  Yes, we had to grieve the loss of the child(ren) we would never have.  There would be no child with my hazel eyes or the crazy fast metabolism on Jon’s side.  This did not, however, prevent us from the openness of loving and fully accepting a child not born to us. 

Adoption became our new major goal in life.  We moved to a different area of the country to help us afford the process.  Jon changed jobs.  I became employed in the field of foster care and adoption with the sole motivation of learning the system from the inside out.  All of our financial decisions were made with the intent of squeezing more money into savings to adopt.  Our dreams were about to come true.

We sent in our initial application to the adoption agency in May of 2006.  The agency quickly completed our required paperwork.  We were official by the beginning of July.  We received several opportunities with birth moms and were rejected (as expected).  It was only the beginning of August, however when we met our future child’s birthmother.  It would only be another month later when our son, Josiah Nathan, would be born (ever have a 1 month pregnancy?). 

Here is where a big myth of infertility will be displayed.  A couple – the woman in particular – still struggles with infertility even when the dream of becoming a parent is coming true.  For example, it was a loss to me to have to ask Josiah’s birth mom what it felt like when he moved in the womb. 

My struggle began to take on a guilty tone.  I vividly remember watching Josiah’s birth (thanks to an amazing and dedicated birthmom!) and feeling so guilty.  I felt horrible about the pain she was going through.  I kept thinking, “this pain should be mine.”  At the same time, I felt guilty that I could not fully share the joy of my firstborn son with my family.  There was no family of ours at the hospital because at that moment in time, Josiah was not our son.  We each quickly called our moms and that was it.  We were excited about our sweet baby boy, but unable to truly celebrate his life with our family at that moment.

My feelings of guilt would only spiral from that moment.  Our adoption worker encouraged us to have a somewhat formal “handing over of the baby” ceremony when Josiah’s birthmom was about to be discharged from the hospital.   It was one of the most emotionally challenging moments of my life.  There was not a dry eye in the room.  Yes, my dream was coming true, but at a cost.  My joy was mingled with sorrow for the loss of Josiah’s birth family (yes it is still a loss even in an open adoption!). 

to be continued...

~ Adoption in the Everyday ~

Most of the time parenting Josiah is just like a person parenting a child born to them.  We do, however, have a different facet to include in our parenting - adoption talk.  All regular readers of this blog know we have an open adoption.  Josiah knows where he came from.  He will never have that awkward McDonald's moment of being told he is adopted.  It is a part of who he is and how our family is made. 

We strive to have an environment in our home that faciliates talking about adoption, feelings etc.  Yes, we have at least half of all childrens' adoption books ever made.  It's more than reading a book, though.  It is listening to themes in conversations with your child and digging into their little hearts.  It is key to recognize those everyday moments that you can bring adoption in and follow the lead of your little one.  Here's an example from this week with Josiah:

Josiah:  I think Slinky (his puppy) misses his Mama.  Why does Juliet (our other dog) look sad?  I think she misses her Mom and Dad too?  Where are her Mom and Dad?

Me:  (first answering questions about where the dogs' parents live and talking about how happy we are that the dogs are part of our family now)  Does that make you think about K (his birth mom)?

Josiah:  No.  (goes on to talk about whatever other random thing that is on his mind)

This conversation may not look like much.  It truly is though!  I was listening carefully to a theme my son was bringing up about missing parents.  I mentioned his birthfamily and in  so doing, taught him that it is totally ok to talk about them and it's also ok if he misses them or has sad feelings sometimes.  In this particular instance, he didn't.  He can remember this the next time he does, however, and will know I'm open to talking about it.  Finally, I also dropped the subject when he moved on.  I didn't push thoughts or feelings onto him that weren't there.  Not all of his life and conversations are or need to be about adoption.  Dropping the subject and following his lead let him know that too.

~ Adoption Fundraiser Poll ~

As our readers know, we have a goal of paying cash for our adoption.  God has graciously provided through several avenues so far. 

We are thinking of offering a fundraiser selling shirts to bring in a little extra cash.  You would have a chance to order one of the shirts below for $25-30 plus around $4 shipping (if not local).  They even have youth sizes available!  We would get to keep $10 for each shirt we sell to go towards our adoption funds!  There's a minimum order to make this work.  Can you do me a favor?  Take a minute to answer this poll to help us determine if this would be good stewardship on our part.  Thanks so much!

 

 

 

 

 Would you purchase one of these awesome t's to help fundraise our adoption?

• Yes - I'd love to be a small part of building your family!
• No - great idea, but can't squeeze $25 out of the budget!

view results
Free vote poll

~ The Real Me Challenge: Infertility Pt. 1 ~

About a year ago, Meg of Muses of Megret, had a series of blog posts she called The Real Me Challenge.  I was inspired by her transparency and openness.  So I have thought and prayed about it and decided to do a few posts of my own. 

As you probably know if you read my or Jon's blog, we are in the waiting process of adopting again.  One huge step in the assessment process is to determine how much a couple has processed and dealt with the loss of infertility.  So with that, I think the timing is great to post this.  My heart and hope is that it will encourage others on their journey!

 

The Real Me - Infertility Pt. 1

You know the old familiar rhyme:  First comes love, second comes marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage.  Well, that rhyme doesn’t always ring true.  It didn’t for me. 

I would have to say the beginning of my infertility journey honestly was during my honeymoon.  I vividly remember Jonathan and me awaiting our Disney Resort bus and talking about various things.  One of those was previous health issues (sidenote – it’s not like we had never discussed this stuff before now!).  A couple of particular challenges we each had faced in the past allowed small doubt to creep into my hopes and dreams for a future family.  I easily shoved it off and forgot about it.

Fast forward several years.  Jonathan and I had achieved our goals of not only finishing college, but also both of us graduating with Master’s degrees.  We were definitely as ready as we would ever be to really concentrate on starting a family.  Apparently God did not agree!  We faced month after month of disappointment.  I remember prayer after prayer pleading with God, “I know You can make this happen!”  These requests seemed denied. 

There comes a point when a couple realizes that things need to be checked out.  We were now at that point.  God chose the timing to be in the midst of other hardships we were facing.  We withstood the dreaded and embarrassing doctor’s appointments and tests.  It was not long into it, however, that we had our answer.

Jonathan and I were preparing to leave for a trip to Arizona to visit and say our good-byes to my grandfather who was dying of cancer.  The day before our trip, I called the doctor’s office to inquire about the latest test results.  A nurse looked up the file and rather nonchalantly told me the news…over the phone.  I was taken aback and asked her to repeat herself.  She once again cavalierly stated the results and then offered me a trite answer to my obvious shock and dismay.  I hung up the phone and was stunned into silence.  I found Jon and told him the news.  We were completely shocked – nothing else could describe it better.  I decided that I needed to hear the news in person from the doctor and made an appointment to see him when we returned from our trip. 

...to be continued

~ Hoping to Adopt ~

***UPDATED!  Our profile is now online with our agency here! 

Our lives were touched by adoption four years ago with the arrival of baby Josiah.  Many people ask us if we are going to adopt another child.  The answer is, "We'd love to!"

We are currently working with a Christian agency that has a strong track record  - Adoption Associates.  In addition, we are also welcoming the help of our family, friends, and blog friends to help us network to locate a birthmom. 

Keep your eyes and ears open - - if you hear of someone with an unplanned pregnancy considering making an adoption plan, point them to our online Adoption Profile and we'll do the rest!

Thanks for partnering with us in the next chapter of our family's journey!

~ He gives & takes away ~

As the Scripture (and song) say, "blessed be the name of the Lord!"

One week ago, I awoke to a house of five people.  Today, I awoke with two (Jon is on a business trip).  We discovered a couple weeks ago, that the placement of the 2 little ones in our home was not to be permanent.  This news was bittersweet.  We were bonding.  We were seeing some baby steps and growth in the kids (using words instead of crying, starting to respect routine, sharing, etc.).  We were also seeing our fair share of difficulties - the primary one being huge regression after visits with biological family each week. 

Our main intention in getting licensed as foster parents was to find a permanent placement and eventually adopt.  Our main concern has been protecting the heart of our little man.  Since neither of these was feasible, the kids moved on one week ago.

We continue to wait and trust in God.  I remember before we adopted Josiah feeling very impatient and like I would never have kids.  It was only a short 4 months later that he came home from the hospital!  I know all too well that adoption is a crazy journey. It can be long and winding or short and narrow.  I know God has the perfect child out there for our family.  We pray for him/her until that child is revealed to us (as well as the birth family)!

We appreciate your continued love, prayers and generosity.  Thanks to many faithful and generous gifts, we have some money saved to simultaneously pursue infant adoption while being licensed with our local county.  We look forward to all that God has planned for our family in the coming year or so and greatly appreciate your love and prayers!

~ Adoption Talk ~

We've had lots and lots of talk of adoption in our house these days.  We've read nearly all of our adoption books repeatedly.  It is not surprising with one Aunt having just had a baby (preemie - Ian) and another Aunt expecting in the fall.  Josiah is really trying to grasp what adoption means and the various ways God creates families. 

We are also trying to prepare Josiah for when we receive a placement.  We will have our state foster/adopt license tomorrow.  This means that as early as tomorrow, we could get a placement (you never know!). 

Jon was trying to explain to Josiah that Mommy & Daddy could get a phone call to see if we want to take care of some kids and have them come live with us.  Josiah went right over to the phone and said, "please can we call now?"  We explained that it works a little differently.  We won't know until it happens - it could be a long time or it could be tomorrow. 

We are always trying to teach Josiah that we pray to Jesus about everything.  We trust Him to know what is best and to give us our hearts' desires.  I told Josiah, "you should pray to Jesus about it."  Immediately, he clasped his little hands together and said, "Hi Jesus.  Thank you for Mommy & Daddy.  Please bring us a brother and sister tomorrow.  Amen."

This was the point that I became teary-eyed.  *sigh*  He is so sweet.  God has clearly laid it on his heart to be a big brother someday!

~ Adoption Update ~

It's been a while since I posted an actual update on our adoption plans.  A couple years back, our hearts were burdened for the existing orphans.  We felt that God was leading us to adopt from Ethiopia.  A year after that, we became very serious w/ our finances (thanks Dave Ramsey).  We determined not to adopt again until we could pay cash for the services.  Six months after that, we had a little boy DAILY asking for brothers and sisters.  What do we do?  The reality is that it would be probably another couple of years before the money could be saved up to adopt from Ethiopia (not to mention the process would add yet another 1-2 years after that).  This was daunting and discouraging (to me in particular).

I was sharing our plans and my frustrations with a friend (and fellow adoptive mom).  She asked me if we had considering adopting from the public system.  I told her that we were open to it, but wanted that to be further down the adoption journey.  Her question reverberated in my mind, however, from that day on.  Jonathan and I talked about it and committed to pray over our plans for the rest of the month.  At the same time, I began researching the local system.  We determined at the end of December to pursue adopting through the public system.  I mailed in our application at the beginning of January and we were on our way.

We soon discovered (and I already knew from my work experience) that our odds of a placement were slim to none if we were not willing to be foster parents first.  We wrestled with this for weeks.  We were particularly concerned with what would be best for Josiah.  For whatever reason, God had clearly lead us down this path.  We walked forward in faith.

Currently, we are awaiting approval from the state.  We have once again jumped through all the hoops, completed a home study and training.  Our license should arrive anywhere from mid-July to the first of August.  We will be eligible for placements from that moment on.  The likelihood of a good match is still questionable.  We are only willing to take children younger than Josiah (we don't want to mess w/ birth order).  We are willing to take up to 3 children.  This means we could have up to 3 kids ages 3 and under placed with us at once!  I am trusting the Lord in all of this (because as I type the previous sentence it sounds crazy!).  

In the midst of all this, we had a unique opportunity to talk to a dad whose family recently wrestled through infertility.  He has a daughter who cried for siblings for years.  He knows what all those dynamics feel like.  God miraculously provided a son this winter.  His perspective was invaluable to us.  He also understood and supported our financial goals.  Despite that, however, he encouraged us to make steps NOW to add to our family.  So we began a back-up plan.

We are pursuing the foster to adopt wholeheartedly.  We also know that all adoption has risks.  We decided at the same time to begin saving money for adoption.  God may provide us with new family members through the public system in the next year.  In that case, we will already have money set aside for future adoption (still have a HUGE heart for Ethiopia).  God may continue to have us go through a season of drought with no new family members.  In that case, we will have money set aside to pray about beginning a private adoption in the next year or so.  

One thing remains:  we are an adoption family.  Jon and I both felt called to this even before marriage, before infertility, etc.  Now it seems God is laying adoption even on Josiah's little heart.  We pray every night for Jesus to help us find our future brothers and sisters.  And He will...